1 Year Ago I Got Engaged
January 2nd, 2022 (4:51pm)
Journal Entry #1:
I’m engaged. To Aja. We’ve already had two bad “fights.” Arguments.
I can’t help but question if we’ve made the wrong choices. At this point, we are so far in.
I don’t necessarily even want otherwise, but this feels like a deliberate decision I’ve made. An altercation to my life that feels tangible. Perhaps every change comes w/ friction & resistance.
Perhaps its willful blindness. Maybe I’m a fool. Perhaps I’m brave. Maybe this is Gods plan, maybe Satan has dug himself into me. I don’t know.
It’s all deciding. Choosing. Picking. Agreeing to act.
I just feel a sense of letting go. I have less guard over my life, less stability and I’ve granted someone access to everything, someone I will call to forever, for eternity.
Someone I’m glued to. Stuck with, in the literal sense that I’m bound to them permanently.
I know these are negative, but they are real. I don’t desire to have additional input. I want to run & hide. Give up.
Welcome to adulthood, the suffering prevails.
