Cell Phones & The Seven Year Old
A quick parenting win for the technology generation
Our children want cell phones at such an early age because they see adults and teens treat their phones like royalty. Our child doesn’t have her own, but continually asks when she will be old enough. She doesn’t understand the addiction factor; she just knows phones must be important if they’re always at hand.
Recently, I gave my seven year old the truth — Mom is addicted to her smart phone, the apps on it, and the all out feel of it in her hands. This is not a good thing. And I need help with it.
She seemed surprised, but quickly responded, “Okay, then I’ll just hide the cell phone from you.”
Her gut reaction: Control & forced avoidance. I knew she also learned that from me, and aren’t we all like that as parents from time to time?
I corrected her and clarified that while that technique might be momentarily effective, it would just make me feel small and incapable of changing my behavior on my own. Instead, I invited her to just notice when I’m using my phone, and to ask me, “Are you working or are you just playing around?”
I’m in marketing and coaching, so often my phone use is work related. But because of that, I also tend to work odd hours and have my phone close by too often.
For the first time today, she asked me the question. I was sitting in my morning spot, playing around on the phone and hadn’t really noticed her climb into the chair beside me.
When she asked, it was patient and kind. No lecture or corrective vibes — just a gentle question offered for my reflection. And she was completely right.
I sent the drafted message and set my phone out of reach.
We proceeded to chat for a few minutes about her coming school day, a cousin’s birthday, and to pick our favorite of the jewels in her bracelet.
It wasn’t a long time, but it was a really good time.
It was a quiet moment of intention.
And in those few moments of being present with her, I suddenly felt like summer collapsed into fall ala Wilde. We were transported into that slow living space of a quiet holiday morning.
All of this is to say that inviting your kids into the space where you need help (as long as it’s age appropriate) can be an incredible teaching tool.
I gained accountability.
She learned intention, invitation, & curiosity as a teaching tool.
And we both felt loved and seen.
