Current State
Emotional take on separation
I thought that I knew Pain. She and I have been frequently conversing through the course of my life. Her words have been bittersweet. She brings me to the edge of myself, to the place I thought I never could return from, but through it all, I fight harder and return stronger. These scars remind me of the times when I knew I would die along the roadside, but still I’m here. As I have walked with her, she reminds me of who I long to be. She does not allow me to become complacent, to become comfortable in my current state. Oh, how I know her voice.
This latest blow has brought me to my knees. Once again, the bridge I am crossing has exploded, leaving me hanging by a mere rope, climbing, striving to return to solid ground. The future I was pursuing, taken away in a moment. The hope I had, the plan I had, all gone with the words, “I don’t love you anymore”. Oh sweet Pain, you’ve brought me here again. What do you want to show me, who do you want me to become? A marriage ends, a friendship broken, a family cleaved in two… For what, a few differences, fear? We had the chance to be real, but we were unable to open up. We never found that trust to become one. If I could go back, I would have… what, exactly? We are all on a journey for completion, for growth, and development. With each heartbreak, rejection, and walk with Pain, we learn and grow in love. That is what I choose to see. That is my Hope.
My old friend, I believe I have called you by the wrong name all these years. For all this time, hearing your voice, I have not listened to your true name. You are truly Hope. Through the battle, your mask is Pain, but your true face is Hope. No wonder you are comfort, no wonder you never leave. My dear friend, walk with me a bit longer, I have much to learn…
