Don’t Let Your Tiredness Get the Best of You
Breathe, breathe, self-control… Yes, that’s good!
One day, as I was going back home, the friend my roommate and I hosted said he was on his way but first he wanted to go to a shop near home.
I was exhausted but, as the man had the keys, I accepted. He was chitchatting and I was like “dude, just do your thing so I can finally go home and cry or something”. My level of happiness was really low at the times and I didn’t have the energy to hide it. Still, he was happy and felt like talking.
When we finally get out of the shop, I was about to collapse. For real.
We walked home and I was silent, too tired to even smile. Then he remembered he needs something else, from the general shop and said I have to go with him. I almost snapped at him.
But instead, I started complaining, arguing, like are you for real? I’m tired, please give me the keys. He answered, “it’s close from home and it’s just for a few minutes”. I accepted, cause there was no way he would have given them to me. Instead, I did this childish thing everyone does every now and then: I pouted.
I walked reluctantly behind him, not saying a word.
Finally, he had enough and said this sentence which is still stuck my mind,
You don’t have to act this way you know.
He didn’t say it like if he was upset or frustrated. He said it, matter-of-factly, as if he was giving me a truth, a knowledge he learnt years ago.
Huh?
What do you mean? It’s how I am feeling right now, how can I not react according to that? And why would I not to begin with? I didn’t understand so of course, I reaffirm that I was tired and I wanted to go home.
He didn’t care of course *rolling my eyes*.
It’s only months after that that I understand what he meant :
You have the choice. You can decide to not let your mood ruin the day or impact the people around you.
When some people think about “self-control” they picture the rigidity society wants to force upon us. But there, it wasn’t about that.
It was about a friend who wanted to spend time with me (or to not be alone) and instead of acting like myself, I was ruining the little time we had with a disastrous mood which wasn’t his fault.
Even a little self control can save you a lot of time, energy and errors. Unknown.
Had I some legitimate reasons to feel this way? Of course, but it’s not the question. Of course, I have every right to feel what I am feeling and even to express it. But if I am hurting someone in the process, is it right?
Until when will we say, “I wasn’t feeling good” as an excuse for the mean words we said or for the unfriendly tone we used?
Thanks to Agnes Louis and her story The Right To Be a Jerk which inspired me for this piece.
Thanks for reading! Feel free to clap, comment or follow me if you’ve enjoyed it!
Ed.
