How Selfless Acts Undermine Your Confidence
And why chocolate is my favorite ice cream flavor
Think about it. Acts of selflessness. Acts of selfishness. As human beings, we are guilty of both.
When I was a kid, my mom would buy something called “Neapolitan” ice cream. Three rows of flavors, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry. For some reason, in my house, the chocolate was always the “last man standing.”
We overheard mom say that vanilla and strawberry were sweeter, so that’s what we all went for.
I had to be the rebel. Well, that’s a lie.
It had nothing to with rebellion, I was being altruistic. The good daughter.
I gave up my claim, for the benefit of others. I was the big sister.
I ate the flavor no one else wanted. Why? To be perfectly honest, I never realized the implications of what I was doing. Now is as good a time as ever.
Since I’ve come to realize that it was a bad habit to develop.
I was taking on a role that no one had asked me to, but once invested, it became their expectation. They used it to their advantage.
It was time to proceed with a healthy sense of self-confidence and awareness.
To think about personal development and happiness.
“To thine own self be true.” ~ William Shakespeare
Yes, it is noble to be selfless. It’s part of parenthood, sainthood and the responsibility that comes with being the eldest child, for those who look at it that way.
But it took me a while to realize that some people will allow you to be selfless. They will step all over you, on the way to both your graves. It’s totally up to you to realize the moments you need to be selfish.
Focusing on your own needs
Sometimes, focusing on your own needs is what anchors self-development and confidence.
“Mind your own beeswax,” my mother would tell me. I didn’t understand at the time that would be the crux of understanding myself. And taking care of business.
Balance
Balance is the key to everything in life. It takes thought and consideration. It takes leading by example. It’s not always about me. It’s not always about you. Sometimes, it’s about us. Sometimes it’s bigger than both of us.
The Golden Rule
I think the golden rule applies, “treat others, as you would want to be treated.” I don’t think it’s out of line to ask others, “how would you feel, if I acted that way?”
The Silver Lining
This story does have a rainbow or silver lining, though. Turns out, now, given the choice, chocolate is indeed my favorite ice cream flavor. It’s delicious, cold and creamy and I got lucky taking the road less traveled.
Special thanks to Mark A. Schrader for this writing prompt, an inspiring challenge, “What is your Selfish?” Read his piece on the link below. Maybe it will inspire you.
