I’m Not An Alcoholic…

Photo by monica di loxley on Unsplash

I’m not an alcoholic but
Since I gave up drinking
I struggle to find ways to face my pain.
I long to have just one glass although I know
I would inevitably pour another.

I am not an alcoholic since
I’ve never gotten
In too much trouble from drinking
And I can still control
When I drink or not
I just lose control
After one drink.

I’m not an alcoholic however,
when I tell people I’m not ordering wine
Because I quit drinking
They congratulate me
Do they think I have a problem?

I’m not an alcoholic and
I don’t really enjoy being drunk.
But I miss the buzzed feeling-
numbing negatives
and making the space around me vibrate
feeling so much sexier.

I’m not an alcoholic though,
when I drink I am not my best.
I self-sabotage-
Regress to earlier versions of me,
Attempt to end good relationships,
Even the one with myself.