INVISIBLE AT HOME
That's how I felt after I went to my therapist today.
I thought every thing was fine. nice house, nice family, good friends, a dog.
now my mind is a time machine looking backwards
been broken hearted my hole life
by the hand of mom and dad
wondering why I could never connect or love someone
24 goes by in a blink of an eye
turns out I'm not incapable of love
just trying to heal old wounds
surviving,
The thing is,
there are not pictures of me in my own house
few pictures in a forgotten vault
memories that thoughtlessly I erase of my mind
Crumpled up piece of paper with no memories, unreadable ink and anxiety about how to become someone visible
my definition of being a good child
a bird who doesn't fly so it doesn't fall or hurt herself or someone around her
then no one has to worry,
You brag about me outside the house
Achievements I got with empty words of support
in our four walls
I celebrate alone
hiding behind my so called friends,
miles away or inside my room
no in between
Telling me to fly away and follow my dreams,
is that your way of telling me to fly away from you?
there´s no point in pointing fingers
does time heals deep wounds?
at the end of the they
it´s not their fault either
in their own mind they are doing the best they can
but now that I know this
am I?
Like Taylor Swift once said
Time won´t fly is like I´m paralyzed by it
I´d like to be my old self again but I´m still trying to find it
cause now I remember
All too well
