Learning to Live With Yourself
In the 1950s, my grandmother was married at the age of 14 and widowed when she was 18. During her time (and even now in several parts of India) widows are considered unlucky and excluded from almost all social gatherings like weddings. She had some property that would support her daughter and her to get by a very simple life. She has spent almost 50 years of her life alone.
Before you start feeling how sad and lonely that would have been, let me tell you something. SHE IS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST WOMEN I HAVE EVER MET.
Fast forward to 2012, I was 23, living alone in an apartment in a new city, to start off my career. I barely had any friends whom I could hang out with after work. I was mostly sad to go back to my apartment and have dinner alone. I had never lived with myself, and I REALLY sucked at it. This was the time I invited my grandmother to stay with me for a few weeks. The learnings that I got from her those few weeks continue to help me even now when I’m touching 30. Her wisdom has helped me survive a marriage in which my husband and I see each other only for a few hours a week.
1. Never treat yourself lesser
Would you eat out of a carton box, if you had some company? You are no less than anyone of your loved ones. Learn to love yourself, by doing the little things well. Cook when you have time. Don’t compromise on taste or sophistication just because you don’t have others to share your dinner with. Don’t stop buying beautiful things for your house.
2. Walk
My grandmother is a stay at home mother. She made it a habit to visit the temple every week. She would never miss this walk and always have something interesting to recount — like the fresh flowers of the season, or some local gossip about the priests’ family. There is something about the sun and the city that can lift up your spirits. I like to observe the little sights and sounds as I walk by, to try and make a story out of it. It is one of the most creative times of my week.
3. Start one creative pursuit
My grandmother is an excellent artist, who sees beauty as a by-product of effort and love. She makes handicrafts for folks in the family, whenever there is a big milestone in their lives. (Sometimes she makes it even before they reach their milestone, to push them gently toward that direction). She says that by creating things, she knows she will always leave a piece of herself to be loved and remembered. Also, creative work can be one of the most time consuming of all, the exhaustion and fulfillment that follows it serves as a big antidote to loneliness.
