The Plague of Comparison
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” — Theodore Roosevelt
How many times did my mother compare my sister and me to our cousins? “I went there yesterday, G. was washing the dishes. O. already know how to cook. They wash their clothes themselves.” And it goes on and on until we leave the house (and country) for university. As if, with those words, she was saying, “I would rather have them as daughters”. Was she saying this crap because she wanted us to improve? Was she really disappointed in us?
I don’t know and it’s not important. The truth is our self-esteem and self-confidence are pretty low and one of the reasons is those words our mother said all the time. The truth is my sister is anxious to disappoint our parents. The truth is, for a long time, I struggled with making efforts for anybody else than me.
If you’ll be disappointed anyway, why should I try harder? If you’ve already decided that I am not enough, if you’ve already judged me, why should I give it another shot?
How does this state of mind change? Well, I met Jesus and He told me that I will never disappoint Him. Never. This truth is etched in my heart and the fear to disappoint someone will never again stop me from giving my all for people around me. But it’s another story.
You can’t compare what you perceive from other people’s lives with the life you’re currently living
Mom compared us to our cousins but, those girls didn’t have any washing machine nor maid coming in the morning to clean their house. They had to go to school by themselves. Their moms were working so they had to know how to cook and take care of the house.
Mom would drive us to school, we had a washing machine and a maid. Mom quit her work to take care of her six children. Coming home, we just had to put our feet under the table to eat.
So, of course, they were more independent, more adult than my sister and me. It’s a given.
Mom lived a different life, compared to my aunts, of course her children were different, right?
“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” Steve Furtick
On Medium
When I decided to write and publish here, I did my homework, like many writers. I read stories about the Partner Program. Soon, I came across stories about earnings and success. About earning a living thanks to Medium, or having many stories curated.
When you read all of this, you’re on fire, ready to conquer the gameboard! But, as you start writing and your stats don’t go up, you begin to doubt and compare yourself to them. You look for reasons: they’re luckier, there were fewer writers when they started. Soon, if money is the main issue, you quit, you’re paralyzed.
There so many successful people here, I can’t dream to reach them at all. So why bother?
Sometimes it’s like everyone’s writing skills are better than yours. Like they can pass on emotions or make you laugh; while you’re writing stories that aren’t even easy to read!
Why can’t I say it like (insert a “Medium star”) would? Why is my writing so weak, so boring? It’s going nowhere! So why bother?
And as you stop publishing, they keep publishing two to four stories a day.
Raaaaaah! So frustrating! Why f*cking bother?
Please, take a deep breath.
“Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.” Tim Hiller
So many journeys. Each unique. Each on its own pace, with its own style and bag of joys and sorrows. Each on its own time.
If you’re at the beginning, what right do you have to be frustrated because of someone else middle? I mean, if I am in level 2 and Shaunta Grimes in level 354, can I really enrage? It’s like being born three days ago and already lust for chicken wings.
Let’s be patient. And breathe.
Did you forget that practice makes perfect? As you’re sitting at your desk, writing words to send out to the world, you’re improving. As you keep typing letters, your brain is making new connections. You’re shining already.
It’s just that, cause you’re so “young”, “raw”, your light is tiny, fragile. It’s eclipsed by the others around. It’s okay, it’s normal. It’s even reassuring. Why? Cause it means you can progress. It means you’ll grow. It means you’ll see results soon enough. Keep practicing.
No one succeeds without effort… Those who succeed owe their success to perseverance. Ramana Maharshi
Thanks for reading! Feel free to clap, comment or follow me if you’ve enjoyed it!
Ed.
