Things That Men Find Difficult to Say
Sometimes the Simple Words Are the Hardest
“Be a man!”
Three words that froze me to the spot. I was on the phone with my manager describing a crisis that had occurred in the hotel.
I was the marketing manager and there had been flooding in one of the rooms and it was leaking into the reception. In a panic, I had called her to ask her what to do, and the response I got back was “be a man.”
It was something I had never felt before. It felt like my masculinity was being questioned. Was she implying that a real man could handle the situation? Was she making a comment on me as a person? I didn’t know what to say.
There are things that men find difficult to say because they imply that maybe we’re not up to the task of being a man, whatever that means. In 2016 I lost my dad, I think about him often and the way he communicated with me.
As the firstborn of the family, he was always the one taking care of things, he had to have the right answers. This made showing vulnerability hard for him. Many men share this trait, the need to appear strong and have a sense of purpose and direction.
What happens if you don’t always feel that way? When there are things that you want to express but can’t find the words?
Things like;
I need your help
I don’t know how to do this
I need safety
I was wrong
A few weeks ago I was part of a group coaching session and I had to admit that I needed safety because of a work situation I found myself in. Work anxiety, coupled with job market uncertainty had put me in a dark place.
I am a six-foot-plus bearded man, feeling unsafe is not supposed to be part of the equation. I have walked through South London at night and never felt unsafe, yet here I was struggling to open up about how vulnerable the situation made me feel, I was embarrassed.
These are things that men find hard to say, things that they may be desperate to say and will find ways to express them without words. That’s when you notice changes in our body language and behavior. When you notice us withdrawing or having dark moods.
We are communicating with you, we just can’t find the words.
