This is no longer about something I am supposed to do.
This is no longer about my performance.
It is about trusting the life force within me.
I can feel it in my belly and chest. It is all around me. Like I am on a galloping horse tearing across the land. Both on a mission and surrendering completely to the play of the thrill.
I’ve been afraid of this life force within me. The one calling me to get on the horse of my purpose. The one calling me to fully participate in my life.
I asked myself why I am afraid. And I responded, “Because I do not trust it.”
I do not trust my purpose to carry me to the places I want to go. I have learned to trust my performance. I have learned to trust capitalism. I have learned to trust the grind. I have trust in doing all the things I am supposed to be doing. In searching for admiration.
But this wild horse of a life purpose? So raw and real and alive? Do I dare to trust it?
Do I dare to let go of the man-made strategies I have put my faith in? Do I dare to let go of the certainty they offer?
When I let go of certainty, all I can feel is the raw rush of life coming up to meet me. It feels too much at first. But as I open wider to greet this moment, I find that it opens wider to greet me.
“Will you trust me?” asks my highest self.
“Only for today,” I reply.
She smiles and stretches out her hand from atop the horse, “That’s all I’ll ever ask of you. For today is all we have.”
I take her hand, mount the horse, and hold on tight.
I do not yet know where she is taking me. But the destination stops mattering when I burst into a fit of laughter when my own aliveness consumes me.
Who cares where we are going when I’ve got this delicious wind in my hair?
Who cares about tomorrow or yesterday when I feel so alive today?
Who cares what people might think of me as I gallop atop my horse?
I am fully participating in the conversation my heart is longing to have. I am making time into something beautiful.
I am enough.
Here is enough.
And still we ride.
I am a coach who helps people find their highest selves and their life purpose. If you’d like support in finding this level of aliveness in your life, let’s talk.