When Hate is Your Biggest Mindset You’ve Got Growing to Do

Do the hard work of being aware

Nicole Akers
Dec 9, 2020 · 3 min read
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“Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” — Nelson Mandela

Mandela, primarily known as a peacekeeper, may be unto something when so many have adapted the quote for similar purposes.

As they say…

Hate is like poison.

Anger is like poison.

Bitterness is like poison.

Unforgiveness is like poison too.

Whether they say, or figures like Carrie Fisher, Nelson Mandela, Malachy McCourt, Emmet Fox, Bert Ghezzi, Susan Cheever, or Anonymous says the words doesn’t really matter. What’s important is that you get the meaning behind them. Hatred, bitterness, and the like, can be all-consuming. When you let negative emotions get the best of you, they affect you worse than the other person.

Find the Origin, if You Can

Psychologists say hate has two origins.

  1. An unconscious defense mechanism
  2. An individual’s experience of feeling dehumanized.

Find the origin of the hate coming toward you and you can possibly mitigate the effects.

Perhaps someone misunderstood your meaning. Or someone is out to get you. It really doesn’t matter if your parents hate you, or your “friends” want you to do something for their benefit that you’re better off not doing. You can’t control them. You can only control how you react. And when you don’t let them affect you they slowly lose their power. Indeed they can still have influence, and if they want to use their influence in negative ways, there’s nothing you can do to stop them.

Psychologists say there is a psychological phenomenon in expressing hate toward someone else and it involves wanting to belong to a particular group:

“People who hate tend to think, feel and behave from an “in-group” versus an “out-group” mentality. They have no hesitation to stereotype an entire “out-group” (Steward, T. L. et al., 2003).

It’s an appealing thought when experts turn groupthink around on those who may be trying to use it against you. To be happy with yourself and your progress, you’ve got to hand-select who you keep close. Carefully choose your support team to look, think, and act differently from the norm.

Don’t Let Them Win

The best thing you can do is to keep going. Do good anyway. Over time your effort will stand for itself, and when you shine in spite of their efforts, perhaps one day they’ll come around. Maybe they’ll apologize for their misgivings, or perhaps they will never say anything at all. But, for whatever their words are worth, they’ll not have stopped you from keeping course.

When they seek to cancel you, you’ve got to keep on being your best self. Because the biggest shame of all would be if they stopped you from being the best person you can be.

Recently, I heard someone say:

“The most woke people are the biggest hypocrites.” — Anonymous

Best to stay away from either extreme and hang out more in the middle. Don’t you think?

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Thanks to Clay Akers

Nicole Akers

Written by

Founder of Publishous. Mom of 2. Helps writers write better. Get my book, Make Money on Medium: Build Your Audience & Grow Your Income: https://amzn.to/2WI48e8

a Few Words

A few words can change lives.

Nicole Akers

Written by

Founder of Publishous. Mom of 2. Helps writers write better. Get my book, Make Money on Medium: Build Your Audience & Grow Your Income: https://amzn.to/2WI48e8

a Few Words

A few words can change lives.

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