You’re Still in My Head Sometimes
these little bubbles of memories
are starting to reappear
only for me to pop them back out
into nonexistence
I’m starting to shed your remnants away
but I think my inner child is still scared
when a happy moment arises,
I try to make little pockets of love out of them
so I can remind myself of the good we had
and the good you had on me
it wasn’t all bad, babe.
in fact, it was one of the happiest periods of my life
even if I wasn’t happy with myself
I hope you know I’ll always cherish you
and the way your eyes wrinkle when you smile
the way your laugh gets so fucking obnoxious
the way your eyes curl downwards when you see me cry
the way your voice gets soft when you listen to me
the way you sing off-key when your favorite song is on
the way your chest wraps my head so nicely
the way our fingers interlock like puzzle pieces
the way you get confident and insecure, all one and the same
the way your dualities define you, as all humans do
and most of all, the way you believe in me, even when I don’t believe in myself
I’ve villainized and humanized you in my head
but what I’m not willing to do is turn you into a stranger
how can you, when you were the catalyst to who I am
how can you, when you’re still the only person familiar with my nooks and crannies
one day, two, three, maybe ten years from now —
we’ll see each other again
with wiser eyes
bigger hearts
confident minds
maybe then, we can decide
what to do with the leftover feelings
we’ve had to hide
I’m sorry for our goodbyes
but I’ll never regret our hellos
if I do see you again
I hope to greet you like an old friend
