28

on resilience & resurrection

There’s a quote from the movie Skyfall that lives in my head rent-free.

In a velvet voice laced with tension, barely audible over the smoky din of a Macau casino bar, the anti-heroine Sévérine asks James Bond how much he knows about fear.

Bond replies without hesitation,

“All there is.”

It’s a line that has stuck with me long after the credits rolled, and one that comes to mind as I reflect on my path from 27 to 28.

Call it main character energy, but I’ve always seen myself in Bond. For as long as I can remember I’ve admired the brilliance and daring of 007, the constant calculated risk with which he lived his life. And over the years, as I took greater and greater calculated risks with my own life — I, too, became intimately acquainted with fear.

Now that I have a bit more life experience, I wonder if fear can only be truly understood by those who have risked everything. Perhaps courage, then, is not the absence of fear, but the ability to keep moving forward without letting its looming specter stop you.

So, my dear reader, how much have I learned about fear over the years?

Well, you can probably guess my answer.

All there is.

2023 has been one of the longest years of my life.

Between mental health crises, chronic stress, physical illness, financial instability and burnout, I’ve been forced to take a hard look at what truly matters to me, and what I could no longer sustain.

At my lowest, I asked myself whether I was prepared to continue down my entrepreneurial path, and whether I had the strength to keep going. On days when I couldn’t move forward, I held on for dear life and prayed to make it through just one more day.

As it turns out, a year is just a string of unbroken days. Some days are good, and others I wouldn’t wish to repeat. Some are beautiful and worth celebrating, others are equally worth grieving before moving on.

I’m now at the point in my journey where each next step I take is rooted in faith. I believe that a path exists in front of me that will bring me closer to the light, even if I’m the only one who sees it.

I know there will come a day when everything I’ve gone through and all that I’ve yet to go through will finally make sense. One day my vision will clear, and I suspect it’ll all be worth it in the end.

“When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, you will not drown;

when you walk through fire you will not be burned, the flames will not consume you.”

— Isaiah 43:2

At 28, I’ve lived long enough to appreciate my struggles. While difficult and at times overwhelming, I appreciate the lessons they were meant to teach me, how much stronger they’ve made me, and how much better my sense of humor is now.

In my younger years I was often devastated when the people around me let me down, especially when I needed them the most. It’s taken me a while to get to this point, but I’ve finally realized that the only person I ever truly needed to love me and believe in me was me.

External validation is a nice bonus, like sunshine on a clear day. But with time I’ve learned that when the real storms come, true strength comes only from within.

After braving the most difficult parts of my journey alone, I’ve recently asked the universe for a second chance at love. I look forward to the day I can share my blessings with a true partner by my side, and I do hope that one day cupid will be kind enough to place the right person on my path at the right time. May their path be protected until they meet me.

Since we started with a Skyfall quote, let’s end with one too.

Tied up in a chair by a formidable supervillain trying to break him through psychological warfare, Bond remains unfazed and manages to toss in a quip. “Everybody needs a hobby,” says Bond.

“So what’s yours?”

“Resurrection.”