A Quick Trick to Calm an Anxious Child
Help them breathe through it with this simple activity
During my years working as a teaching artist across the country, I coached a lot of students, some as young as three years old, through anxiety and nerves. A preschooler feeling abandoned at drop-off before class begins. A teenager with stage fright. An elementary student recovering from a disagreement with a friend.
Once, I watched my co-teacher use this simple activity as he sat with a teary-faced, hiccuping and gasping little boy. When he recovered his breath, the boy explained that his sister (also our student) had just informed him that their dad wasn’t coming to pick them up after rehearsal. Their older cousin was scheduled to pick them up that day, and he was afraid that they would be forgotten.
Seemingly small events can trigger big reactions for students who are overtired, overstressed, or naturally inclined to anxiety. It’s helpful, as a parent or a teacher, to have a few tools at the ready to help guide children through their emotions and out to safety on the other side.
This is one of my favorites.
I usually use this tool with kids who are third grade or younger, but it works all the way up to teens if you frame it right. For 4th-6th graders, you might say, “I’m going to ask you to do something that might feel silly, but go with me, okay?” And for older students, be straight up: “I have an activity that will help us breathe together. Do you mind if I start? You can tell me to stop at any time if it’s not helpful.”
It goes like this:
- Sit or kneel down next to the child or in front of them
- Hold your hand a few inches in front of their face, with your index finger pointed up
- Ask them to imagine that your finger is a birthday candle
- Ask them to blow out the candle
Good.
Now hold up two fingers, one in front of the other, and ask them to blow out both candles.
As you add more “candles”, their breath will naturally deepen and slow.
Once you get to five, you’ll likely find that the hiccuping and gasping is under control, and that the tears are slowing down. If the child is still struggling, though, you can go back down to four, three, two, and one . . . or you can start over with just one “candle.”
That’s it. As simple as blowing out a candle.
Cathlyn Melvin is a freelance writer and co-founder of Compass Creative Dramatics, a national touring theatre focused on arts education for children grades 3K-12. With over 15 years of experience as a teacher, tutor, and nanny, Cathlyn is passionate about educating the whole child and committed to building a better, healthier world for the next generation. Her work has been published by Chicago’s Neighborhood Parents Network and Americans for the Arts.
