Autism, Masking, & Trans Identity
Among autistic folks, there is a concept called “masking” by which we compensate or hide as neurotypical(NT) to survive an ableist and neurotypical-centric society. Basically, it’s sort of like being in the closet, but rather than a closet itself, masking is often more like having a dry cleaner’s carousel of neatly organized costumes and outfits that fit multiple scenarios and situations. We may not realize that we’ve put on a certain mask at all; we sort of pop into it when a certain situation arises that demands that particular behavioral switch. The simplest way that I can put this to a NT person is that it’s adjacent to putting on your “customer service voice,” and simply living there.
This essay is about my experience as an autistic trans woman, and what the intersection of these identities has looked like throughout my life. Often, through writing posts like this, I have come to some of my greatest existential realizations. In fact, it was in the writing of a long-since abandoned blog post that I came to understand how much my neurodiversity has impacted my perception and understanding of gender. In my earliest piece published on this website, I spoke briefly of my “binary-ish” gender but didn’t get very deep into the concept— mainly because even I didn’t quite know what I meant by “binary-ish.” I’ve attempted to write a piece about this several times but never gotten into the…
