Bravely Working on the Wrong Freaking Thing.
“People who give too much are people who fear not being given to.”
I heard Esther Perel say this once and it hit me like an arrow striking a bullseye. I had to hit pause and really let it sink in.
People who give too much are people who fear not being given to.
The way I’d heard it, over the years and throughout all of my research around codependency, was: people who give too much do so because they feel worthless. So, I was focused on healing worthlessness. Not looking at what my fears of receiving were connected to.
This new perspective was radical and life changing for me. It’s amazing, the great leaps forward we can take, when we name our fears more specifically and precisely.
The issue is not that we don’t know our stuff. It’s that we don’t know our stuff accurately and clearly.
Sometimes we’re working, lion heartedly and bravely, on the wrong freaking thing. If nothing else, this is the most valuable role a coach can play in another person’s life. Are you really, honestly working at the level of the true root? Or are you lost in the petals?
When my daughter was young she had a love/hate fascination with revolving doors. Anytime we came upon one in the city, she wanted…
