Choosing Curiosity Over Fear: How a Middle School’s Attempt at Inclusion Led to Community Backlash
What We Can Learn About Building Stronger Communities Through a Reflection on the Frost Middle School Iftar Dinner Controversy
My son’s middle school in Fairfax County Public Schools planned to host an Iftar dinner to bring students and families together in celebration of the culmination of the fast. The email was sent to all student households inviting attendance and explaining the intention to host an inclusive event with food from diverse backgrounds. Instead of fostering the “opportunity to build community, foster mutual understanding, and appreciate the rich tapestry of cultures within our school family” through the Iftar dinner, the email quickly became a source of intense controversy.
Community members voiced concerns and urged others to share opinions about the inappropriateness of a school hosting a religious event with leadership, government affairs and advocacy groups. The public forum interactions were disheartening. Given the current social climate, where sentiments against inclusion have, unfortunately, become more prevalent, the strong public reaction is not surprising. At the same time, I understand how a school-sponsored religious event would cause confusion. Perhaps because the planned event centered around a Muslim holiday celebration, a lack of understanding and general fear of Muslims amplified reactions, fueling immediate biases and shaping the way information was perceived. On one hand, I understand. However, as someone who deeply values inclusion, and as a Jewish parent and member of a minority faith, I find myself reflecting on both the community’s response and the broader implications for our society.
The backlash that followed, largely driven by assumptions and bias rather than informed by facts through direct inquiry, left me troubled. Fairfax County Public Schools and government embraced the principles of equity and inclusion through the One Fairfax policy a number of years ago. Yet, both the way in which the event was planned and the swift community condemnation of the Iftar dinner demonstrated how fear, misinformation, and bias can undermine these efforts. The public response highlights both the reality of existing inequities, racism and antisemitism in the schools as well as a troubling resistance to inclusive events that aim to support and celebrate diverse communities.
This situation ultimately underscored the importance of approaching uncomfortable moments with curiosity rather than judgment. Seeking understanding before forming opinions is essential.
The reaction, particularly in today’s political climate that often fuels fear, highlights the urgent need to foster greater understanding and dialogue. Rather than allowing fear or misinformation to prevail, such as is happening in abundance through social media right now, I believe this situation is an example of opportunities that exist to educate communities. When planning an event like this, including as much information as possible about the purpose and significance of why the administration feels the need to plan the event, whether appropriate or not, is essential to most effectively advance the values of inclusivity and global citizenry.
When I first read about the Iftar dinner, I had questions. I, like many, wondered whether a school-hosted religious dinner was appropriate in a public school. I questioned why there might be a separate need or impetus to have an event attempting to foster inclusivity attached to one specific religion rather than making that a goal of the school’s upcoming Heritage Night, an event designed to celebrate diverse cultures all at once.
But instead of assuming the worst, I wondered if perhaps there was more to the situation that wasn’t shared publicly. I chose to consider what I don’t know and seek understanding.
I considered the possibility that this event was organized with a greater purpose, perhaps as an intentional act to break down barriers and signal inclusion to Muslim students and families who may often feel marginalized or perhaps are experiencing an increased marginalization at this time and this was an intentional administrative step.
It is important to recognize that the reaction to the Iftar dinner didn’t happen in a vacuum. It was amplified by the current social and political climate, where divisive rhetoric not only targets, but often pits minority communities against one another.
Some naysayers expressed concerns about the separation of religion and state, while others questioned the appropriateness for a separate religious celebration sponsored by the school. Accusations arose over whether the backlash stemmed from the event’s connection to a Muslim holiday or genuine concerns about the separation of religion and school. While these questions are valid, the tone and intensity of the backlash suggested something deeper. No matter the reason, I found the community response disheartening.
As a Jewish person, I am keenly aware of how fear and misunderstanding can fuel prejudices and antisemitism. I know the importance of solidarity between marginalized groups and the need to stand up for one another. That’s why it’s so painful to witness an opportunity for cultural celebration be met with resistance rather than curiosity.
Frost Middle School canceling the Iftar dinner is in fact a loss, not just for Muslim students and families, but for the entire community. The cancellation email stated that “the event was scheduled with the intention of creating an inclusive school community gathering. However, the nature of the event is too closely connected to one religious group, and FCPS does not sponsor or endorse any religious groups or gatherings.”
So what is our next step to bring the community back together? And how will we foster intentional inclusion?
Rather than seeing this as a controversy to move on from, we should approach it as a teachable moment. I would first like to explore what an “inclusive school community gathering” truly means. It is important to share with the community if this event doesn’t meet that definition, what would. It is also important for the administration to intentionally create a gathering that genuinely fosters inclusion and brings our community together. Clearly we need that now even more than before.
Further, it seems a good opportunity for our schools to provide educational information about other religions, cultures and celebrations such as Ramadan and Iftar for educational and inclusion purposes. This could happen in the classroom, as facilitated conversations to explore multiple religious and cultural traditions or even by augmenting the holidays included on FCPS’ school calendar with holiday explanations. Schools should encourage students to ask questions, seek understanding, and engage in respectful dialogue.
Imagine how different this situation could have been if the community had responded with curiosity. What if, before rushing to judgment, people had paused to wonder: If there was a reason the school intended to use Iftar to create an inclusive opportunity. To question whether the Muslim community feels included in FCPS. To think about what Iftar is and why that event might matter to our Muslim neighbors. Importantly, I wonder what would have been different if the community response considered how we could create space for all separate communities and students could feel seen and valued.
Creating an inclusive society requires more than just policies like One Fairfax. It involves more than the School Board voting to implement a calendar that deems certain minority faith holidays worthy of inclusion as a school holiday. It demands that we embody those values in our everyday actions and in our educational practices.
That means challenging our personal biases, listening to others’ experiences, and approaching unfamiliar traditions with a genuine desire to learn.
I urge those who were angered or confused by the Iftar dinner to dig deeper. To consider the possibilities behind why the school initially planned the event. To learn about Ramadan. To ask Muslim friends or neighbors about their experiences. Most importantly, to recognize that embracing or making space for another religion or tradition through inclusivity doesn’t diminish your own identity, rather this leads to enrichment.
I urge our educators and community leaders to continue creating opportunities for cultural exchange and understanding. Even when it’s difficult, especially when it’s difficult. We grow the most during what challenges us. This includes parents and caregivers who need exposure and growth opportunities sometimes more than the students.
It’s time to choose curiosity over fear. It’s time to work together to build a community where every student and family feels welcomed, valued, and celebrated. To genuinely build an inclusive community where everyone feels a sense of belonging.
