Craving Connection in Your Thirties
I don’t care about others
Dear Jes,
I am turning forty next year. I live with a great husband in a great city and have a great job in a field I am passionate about. I have a good relationship with my family — by good, I mean we love and appreciate each other, and I can’t be in the same room with them for more than a couple of hours before I get so annoyed that I volunteer to clean up just to get out — with love, of course. I have always had many happy connections with all sorts of people over my lifetime. And yet, somehow, I find myself practically friendless at this moment. Admitting it feels so embarrassing. Like I have some kind of disease. I’m compelled to defend myself by listing all the friends I’ve had, just to prove my capability to form connections and to dispel any notions of being a social outcast or a sociopath.
I’ve always thrived on connections, eagerly meeting new people with genuine interest and an open heart. My curiosity about individuals was insatiable; even when others dismissed someone, I sought the intriguing and good in them. It was effortless, almost a personal sport, to discover the unique qualities within people.
I used to love people, and people used to love me. I am not particularly extroverted and tend to avoid larger groups. But in one-on-ones, I’d connect with…
