Dale Carnegie is long dead but he still can change your life

His two books had a great influence on my life and made me a much improved human being.

Photo by Guest of a guest

How funny is this that a person who died 45 years ago you were born can have such a significant influence on your life.

For the past year, I have been a regular reader of self-help books. I was mostly reading books on business, marketing, startups, etc. for my online store. But during the lockdown, I wanted to read something different. So I picked up ‘How to win friends and Influence People.’ by Dale Carnegie.

And I can surely say now it is the best book I have ever read. Not only me, but even Warren Buffet also has a lot to say about this influential figure named Dale Carnegie.

Buffet took Mr. Carnegie’s course on How to develop public speaking when he was just 21. In a recent documentary published by HBO, he talks about his fear of public speaking and how taking that course changed his life. He said, and I quote, “If I hadn’t done that my whole life would have been different.”

When a man like Buffet heaps such huge praise on someone, it is hard to believe he was nothing less than exceptional.

When I started reading the book, the first chapter was enough to tell me how wrong I was about things, and I am in for a real lesson.

The first chapter on criticism talks about how we condemn and complain about everything we don’t like in our lives but never appreciate things that we like. That was exactly how I was. I always criticized people if they did anything wrong and never appreciated them for doing right. After reading this book, I have stopped criticizing all together. Now, if I see someone doing something wrong, I try to motivate them and tell them they can do it right next time. And I have even made a rule to at least appreciate one person daily.

I always used to think that people are more likely to listen to you if you shout or show authority. But this book taught me that you could only influence the person to do something for you by talking about what he wants and showing him how to get it.

I used to argue and fight with people on every little thing where I thought they were wrong. But Mr. Carnegie taught that “The best way to win an argument is to avoid it.” Even if you win the argument by throwing great points and proving the other person wrong, you will lose because you have hurt others’ pride, and now he will never back down because of his pride. A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.

This book taught me to appreciate things in life, be grateful to people, not talk about what I want, and instead be a good listener, accept my mistakes when I am wrong, and other endless things that I surely can’t talk about in this small blog. Read the book and see the magic yourself.

After I was finished with this book, I wanted to get my hands on everything this man wrote. So I picked up ‘How to stop worrying and start living’ as my next read.

If I have to talk in terms of influence, I think this book had a more significant impact on my life than the former. It is a book that everyone who is suffering from mental health or depression problems should read. Mr. Carnegie explains how we, most of the time, overthink and worry about useless things.

I used to be so afraid worrying about my future, fretting about the consequences of my actions. But this book made me understand; it is of no use to think about the future or the past. The only thing matters is the present. A today well lived makes yesterday a dream of happiness, And every tomorrow a vision of hope.

I have printed these lines in my mind, and now I keep reminding myself to live in the present and stop fretting over the future. And it has made a world of effect on me.

Another advice that I liked the most was how we could eradicate almost all our worries just by staying busy. Mr. Carnegie gives examples of many people (the best thing about his books: his real-life cases), including Winston Churchill, on how they became so busy with their work that they had no time to worry. “No time to worry,” that’s what Churchill said when I asked about how he is dealing with the war’s problems.

When I looked upon my life, I saw that the days I was most unhappy were the days I was not productive enough, or the days I wasted. On the other hand, when I was busy and completed all my goals for the day, I was much more happy and relieved.

So whenever I start to overthink something that might harm my mental health, I immediately try to involve myself with something so that I stay busy and do not let my mind wander to useless thoughts.

Mr. Carnegie also talks about the fatal effects of worrying about how most of our physical problems are connected with our mental problems. He talks about how to handle business problems by preparing a questionnaire and answering it, how we handle the most prominent issues in our life but are broken down by the beetles i.e., small matters. Like the previous one, this book is too filled with lots of life lessons, which I cannot discuss here. You will have to go through the book to understand completely.

I can’t thank Mr. Carnegie enough for writing these two books and changing my life. If you haven’t till now, this is the perfect time to put these on your reading list and learn from the master Mr. Carnegie. Despite being written so long ago, they still serve the purpose they were written for. Timeless magic, I think. So go on and just read it. You wouldn’t be disappointed with what you will learn, that’s a guarantee.

Here are some of the best quotes from my man:

It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.

Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn — and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.

Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.