Dear Principal,

Dear Aine,

I’ve been trying to think about what to say to you, as my 18-year association with the Primary school comes to an end. You’ve played an instrumental part in all of my children’s lives, not just as their teacher, then their Principal, but as someone who has supported me in my parenting. Sometimes (many times) you were the only person who was supporting me in my parenting. What an incredible gift you gave me as a parent, for all these years.

Whenever I came to see you, it was because of a problem. Either a problem my child was having in school, or a problem I noticed in the school. Despite that, you never once made me feel like I was being an awkward parent, or that I was being unreasonable or demanding. You are one of a small number of educators who haven’t made me feel uncomfortable or belittled during meetings. I think the different thing about you is that not only do you genuinely care about the students in your charge, but you know that caring about students means caring about parents too. You are intelligent but more importantly you are emotionally intelligent, and that has been such a gift to my family.

Every time I met with you in your office I left crying. Not because something bad had happened, but because you always took the time to affirm me as a parent. Do you know how rare that is? Do you know how little parents are given positive reinforcement by society? How as a lone parent, you let me know that you could see me, you could see I was trying my best and you thanked me for it, you told me I was a great parent. And every time that left me in bits. Because parenting is so lonely, and it’s most parent’s greatest fear, that we’re doing parenting badly. I question my parenting every day. You and you alone told me I was doing a good job. It’s a powerful thing to hear that from someone who knows you, but it’s extra powerful to hear it from the Principal of your children’s school.

When I came to you with a problem you never got defensive, you were never dismissive, you never tried to cover things up. You always listened with openness, and your eyes told me that you were taking everything I was saying seriously. Gosh but that is a rare thing in this world, let alone from a Principal. Then, very often, you would ask me what I thought we could do to heal the situation. Not only did you care about the problem, but instead of assuming you knew best, you wanted to hear my ideas on how to make it better. In my many decades on this earth I’ve come to realise how rare people like you are and how we must treasure and celebrate people like you when we’re lucky enough to meet one.

I consider my children to be incredibly fortunate in having attended a school that was run by you. I’ve been involved with a lot of schools, professionally and personally, and there are very few I would rave about or recommend to others. You’ve created such a warm, inclusive, kind space for children to grow up in, I feel blessed and lucky to have been able to have such a long association with you and with the school. My children knew they could go to you to talk to you about anything too, they knew you were a safe person and most importantly, they knew you had their backs. It was brilliant that the school was the first school in Donegal to raise the Pride flag, but I will never forget last year as I marched in the first Donegal Pride event in Inishowen. My trans daughter shouted “Look there’s Aine!” and there you were, in the crowd, supporting and cheering from the sidelines, letting the LGBTQI+ school community know that you support us, that you walk the walk. That you’ll give up your Sunday off to drive for an hour to support us. That you’ll clap and cheer from the sidelines even if no one sees you there. You showed up for us. That counts for so much, today more than ever.

In a few weeks my visits to your office to complain about something will be at an end. My many interjections and objections during school policy meetings will be at an end. But the way you made me feel will not end. The way you boosted my confidence as a parent, and as a human will not end. (And my occasional requests to use the school hall for photoshoots won’t end!)

Aine, you are a brilliant teacher, an inspirational, kind, empathic Principal, and one of the best humans I’ve ever met. I don’t know what the Department of Education is paying you, but it’s not enough. It could never be enough.

I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

With love, and so much appreciation,

Taryn.

P.S I decided to type my letter to you due to my famously terrible handwriting

P.P.S I decided to publish this as an open letter so the world can know how incredible you are.