Don’t Take Your Mental Health for Granted
Laughter is not the best medicine if it means you don’t take good mental health seriously
Every semester I ask the students in my community college English classes the following: “How many of you believe you are emotionally and mentally healthy?” Usually, no one raises his or her hand. Never more than one or two. In recent semesters, students have burst into laughter at the question. I’m being absurd, like I’m asking them, “How many of you are from Mars?”
This is as fascinating as it is sad. Overall, my students are smart, energetic adults; their laughter shows they are self-aware, yet for most of them attaining a basic sense of wellbeing is so far out of reach it is not even something to consider trying for. They have resigned themselves, as many Americans have, to being chronic self-contained mini emotional basket cases.
Sometimes with my public speaking classes, I approach this topic when I am demonstrating a persuasive speech. As an attention-getter, I ask them to picture a famous person whom they admire. The person can be living or dead, real or fictional, but he or she has to be someone whom they may want to emulate. Once they’ve picked their person, I say this: “Now ask yourself how mentally healthy is the person whom you’ve chosen as a role model?”
Again there is laughter. Some students even blush. Rarely do they share their choices. They are embarrassed and my point is made: People take their mental health for granted.
What is amazing about this is that Americans are ambitious in almost every other way. We study and work incessantly to learn knowledge and new skills. We spend tremendous amounts of time and effort building prosperous careers and taking care of our family. Some people strive with great determination to amass wealth and possessions while others prioritize becoming famous or traveling the world or making their bodies do amazing athletic or artistic accomplishments. But for most Americans, attaining and maintaining good mental health is not even a goal. When you think about it, however, what could be more important? Emotional stability should be the platform on which all other ambitions are achieved.
“What does good mental health even look like?”
Sometimes to prove to my students that laughing off the prospect of good mental is causing them immediate harm, I say, “There are two things I know about most of you in this room. First, most of you are sleep deprived and have chronic intestinal issues from all the internal stress you feel and all the external pressures you are under. And second, if asked, each of you could describe in elaborate detail the ups and downs of your emotional state over the past six weeks. You are all vividly aware of the duress you are experiencing and the emotional rollercoaster you are on, you just don’t know how to cope with what you are going through.”
One time a student said, “I don’t think most of us even know what good mental health would look like.” The class vehemently agreed. And now they wanted to know.
So we did what people in classrooms do: We put the information on the board so they could see what good mental health looks like. Over the semesters, this is the consensus my classes have come to: People with good mental health would be able to handle disappointments, frustrations and rejections without going to pieces, would like themselves without being narcissistic, would enjoy pleasures without overindulging, would be neither lazy nor obsessive, confident but not arrogant, empathetic and hopeful without letting the ever-present misery and brutality of the world drag them down.
In short, good mental health is a constant balancing act between extremes.
One time a young lady scoffed, “You ask too much, Teacher. Most young people today are some combination of neurotic, depressed, anxious, addicted, insecure and ashamed. That’s what passes for normal nowadays.”
Three simple things everyone can do
I never said finding balance would be easy, but here are three basic things I encourage my students (and everyone else) to do.
The first, and most important, thing to do is to at least aspire to good mental health. Try for it. This is so obvious that it’s silly. But if you are not trying to be mentally healthy, then trying — consciously, willfully trying — is not silly at all. As difficult, stressful situations inevitably arise, instead of being reactive in your usual negative way, say to yourself, “What would a mentally healthy person do in this situation?” Or, “If I were mentally healthy, what would I do?” Then do that. You will be surprised to see how much better your responses will be and how much more satisfied with yourself you will feel.
(Here I need to say the following caveat: This advice does not mean that people with serious, diagnosable conditions should think that they can will themselves to good mental health without treatment. That said, it is never bad to aspire to being as mentally healthy as possible.)
Second, don’t indulge that it is “cool” or “irreverent” to be sloppy with one’s mental health and basic responsibilities to oneself. If you find yourself bragging about how you always oversleep, or are always running late, or are always wasting time or money, or always drinking so much that you pass out, then stop bragging about these things and stop doing them. Somehow we have created a culture, especially among young people, that likes to show off how “crazy” they are by behaving in slovenly ways.
I say to students, “You mean to tell me you are incapable of waking up on time or getting assignments in when they are due? Are you saying that these responsibilities are beyond your capacity?” Usually, they concede that it is within their power to live more responsibly and it is up to them to do so.
Finally, people need to realize that our competitive society has an incentive in keeping individuals off balance. Advertisers and media stoke our desires so we will buy products and services in search of fulfillment. Bosses and companies do everything possible to coax more work out of us as cheaply as possible. Acquaintances make us feel insecure about our lives as they express how great theirs are going in an attempt to convince themselves. People need to protect themselves by being, as much as they can, emotionally balanced and self-possessed. The paths to achieving this self-certainty are many, but they all begin with aspiring for it.
When you get there, then you can have a good hardy laugh.
