Dwayne Wade is the Dad America Needs Right Now
Love and true acceptance literally saves trans lives.
To say that Twitter has been in shambles lately regarding Dwayne Wade and Gabrielle Union’s discussion about their child Zaya’s gender identity would be an understatement.
It’s been a disaster.
The Union-Wade family has been public in their support of LGBTQ people for some time now, but most visibly in the past couple of years. Photos of them celebrating Pride in 2019 made quite the splash, with many fans offering support and encouragement while others saw it as an excuse to respond with judgment and vitriol.
Recently, Wade has been making the rounds on several interviews after their child began to self-identify with female pronouns (she/her/hers). It also seems like a press tour just ahead of this new ESPN documentary D. Wade: Life Unexpected which is scheduled to debut on Sunday, February 23 at 9 PM.
Just recently Wade sat down with Robin Roberts on Good Morning America to talk about what it’s been like to have a trans child.
In the clip you hear Wade talk about how he learns from his daughter (Zaya) and how he’s had to challenge his own ways of thinking and the past use of problematic language in his own life. It’s clear that he, and his family, are leaning into self-reflection and carving out a path for young Zaya that’s lined with love and acceptance. Even her brother has posted messages of support on social media. It’s clear they are a very loving and supportive family.
Unfortunately, it’s that fact that’s been so surprising.
We’re used to hearing the difficulties that people face with coming out to their families. As a mental health professional I’ve heard more stories than I can count of families who haven’t been fully supportive of their queer children, especially initially. And, of course, there is this narrative in the mainstream media that Black families are somehow more queer-phobic than our White counterparts (while only generalized anecdotes represent the evidence for this line of thinking). This is why Wade’s visibility is so important. It challenges our perceptions and creates the possibility of acceptance for many more Black trans and gender non-conforming youth.
The Union-Wade family’s support is unfortunately shocking because we haven’t seen many examples of families being visibly supportive of family members who are trans. We haven’t seen a Black family show this kind of support before. We’ve barely seen athletes show support to LGBTQ family members publicly. I can actually only think of Magic Johnson at the moment.
Zaya’s story has been a beautiful display of familial love and a dedication to self-reflection. To see that from a prominent Black family, and especially a Black father, is incredible. To see Wade be so visibly proud and humbled by his own daughter’s journey is awe-inspiring. In addition, from the very brief glimpse that we have into her life in her own words, Zaya also seems like a very thoughtful young lady.
What has been heartbreaking about the public nature of this story is the backlash that the family has gotten recently, most of which has been coming from other Black public figures. Wade, and his family going public, has been a bit of a litmus test for vitriol and transphobia. There’s a consistent misgendering of Zaya online and an almost fetish-like preoccupation with her body and potential sex life. This kind of preoccupation and over-medicalization of trans people’s bodies is, unfortunately, all too common (I’m looking at you Boosie).
But Wade’s message has been very clear. He and his family are leading with unabashed love and support. It’s a beautiful sight to see and shows us an example of the possibility of Black families and trans acceptance. I can only imagine how the positive impact of this will reverberate for many years to come.
People typically offer up a few choice reasons as to why they don’t support or accept LGBTQ people fully. At the end of the day their lack of support and acceptance is more about their own pride and ignorance rather than showing the genuine unconditional love that every child deserves.
That’s not to mention that LGBTQ acceptance is both a human rights and health issue.
Trans Rights Have a Long Way to Go
Trans acceptance is one of the major civil rights issues of our time. In the past few years we’ve seen more and more states ban conversion therapy for minors which has been a sign of obvious success for LGBTQ advocates. However, in many other areas trans and gender non-conforming people are still struggling to find mainstream acceptance and recognition. Governmental policies still don’t adequately address the needs of trans people.
In some states, we’ve even seen an increase in explicitly discriminatory bills and policies related to trans people. Ill-informed legislators are creating so-called “bathroom bills” to prevent trans people from using the bathrooms in the gender in which they identify. It’s bias operating under the guise of safety given that there has been no case to date of a trans person using a bathroom to gain access to other women to sexually assault them.
A case about trans discrimination in the workplace is also now in the Supreme Court. Bills are popping up in places like Idaho to limit the ability of trans people (especially trans women) from competing in athletics with the gender in which they identify, which is something that I recently got to talk to trans athlete Chris Mosier about on the Viva Wellness podcast.
We still have a lot of work to do to ensure that trans and gender non-conforming people are seen, accepted and valued as members of our society at large.
While we are making progress, we are also seeing that trans rights are under attack. This kind of visible rejection and discrimination is detrimental to the mental health of trans and gender non-conforming people.
The Mental Health Risks of Being Trans
I’m a therapist who works with trans people and other members of the LGBTQ communities quite often. It’s very important for me to support people who have historically been mistreated by the healthcare field. Being able to work with queer and trans people of color is about giving back to my own communities.
I have compassion for people who struggle with accepting their child coming out as a member of the LGBTQ community, but frankly I have even more compassion for the lived experiences of LGBTQ people, especially trans women of color who routinely face harassment and violence (and sometimes even death) for just living as their truest selves.
We do know that the mental health of trans people is continually challenged by a hostile society. According to the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey:
- 1 in 10 people were attacked for being transgender in a given year
- 47% of trans people were sexually assaulted in their lifetimes
- 46% of people were verbally harassed for being trans
We are even seeing this verbal harassment play out online regarding Zaya…we are witnessing harassment towards a 12 year old girl.
The mental health impact of living in a cisheteronormative society is profound. Trans people, particularly transgender and gender non-conforming youth, routinely experience greater rates of mental health diagnoses. In one study, these rates were anywhere from 3 to 13 times the rate of diagnoses in cisgender youth. And this isn’t due to trans and gender non-conforming youth somehow being inherently mentally unwell. Those who work with LGBTQ people know that many of the mental health issues queer people experience are the result of bias, prejudice and discrimination manifesting in lower rates of employment, lack of access to adequate health care, and greater rates of physical and verbal violence.
The individual and systemic bias wreaks havoc on the mental health of trans and gender non-conforming people, especially youth. According to the Trevor Project’s 2019 National Survey on LGBTQ Youth Mental Health, approximately half of trans and gender non-conforming youth seriously considered suicide in the previous 12 months. Unfortunately, as a mental health professional who works with trans and gender non-conforming people regularly, I’m not shocked by these statistics.
Rejection is literally killing trans and gender non-conforming people.
Acceptance is the Path Towards Health & Healing
These numbers, along with the alarming rates of violent deaths among trans women of color, are bleak. Thankfully, we do know that acceptance dramatically changes the lives of trans and gender non-conforming people for the better. This is why Wade showing up publicly as he has been doing is so powerful. It’s giving all of us, and Black fathers in particular, a model of acceptance that we haven’t widely seen before.
By simply using the pronouns that a young person uses to identify themselves we reduce depression and suicidal risk. When young trans and gender non-conforming people can use the pronouns in which they identify with at work, school, at home and with friends research tell us these youth experience 71% fewer symptoms of depression, 34% decrease in thoughts of suicide and 65% decrease in suicidal attempts.
By simply using someone’s personal pronouns and chosen name correctly you might simply be saving their life.
This is why Dwayne Wade is the dad that America needs right now. He’s a shining example of the dad that Black trans and gender non-conforming youth hope to have along what is a very challenging journey.
