Goals Are Not The Key To Success
Why most people fail to accomplish their purposes
When people ask, “What you want to do in your life?” the answer is always so expected that it has become meaningless by now.
Everyone wants a happy life, a beautiful family, a satisfying job. Someone else wants money, fame, or great love.
It’s not new; everybody wants it.
Most people, though, never consider asking a fundamental question:
Am I really willing to do this?
The top-salary job or the girl of your dreams could be considered goals to achieve. However, goals are not a fast straight road or a quick turn to the corner. Goals are challenging long runs.
- If you want to become a successful entrepreneur, are you ready to embrace the risk, the uncertainty, the stress, the insane hours, and hours of work that may turn in complete failure?
- If you want a fantastic body, are you ready to sweat every day at the gym, bearing the physical stress and limit the freedom to eat whatever you want?
- If you want a spouse, are you ready to go through the tricky conversations, the embarrassing silences, and the emotional rollercoaster that comes with love?
They said
Life isn’t always puppies and rainbows.
And they were right. Still, it doesn’t mean you can’t chase your goals.
You simply have to set the right ones.
You Cannot Run Away From Problems
Problems are unavoidable. Even finding solutions generates other problems.
If that seems foolish to you, I could understand. I will explain it better through Mark Manson’s words. Here an excerpt from his #1 New York Times bestseller, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck:
Problems are a constant in life. When you solve your health problem by buying a gym membership, you create new problems, like having to get up early to get to the gym on time, sweating like a meth-head for thirty minutes on an elliptical, and then getting showered and changed for work so you don’t stink up the whole office. When you solve your problem of not spending enough time with your partner by designating Wednesday night “date night,” you generate new problems, such as figuring out what to do every Wednesday that you both won’t hate, making sure you have enough money for nice dinners, rediscovering the chemistry and spark ou two feel you’ve lost, and unraveling the logistics of fucking in a small bathtub filled with too many bubbles.
Problems and obstacles are crucial for setting achievable goals. We need to study them carefully if we really want to accomplish something.
Choose Your Struggle
If problems are inevitable, avoiding or pretending everything’s okay may result in very dangerous behaviors. You must deal with problems, without getting discouraged.
I know what you’re thinking: THIS CRAZY BOY MAKES EVERYTHING SIMPLE!!!
No, I’m not. Life might be harsh as hell, but what’s the solution? Run?!
Here’s a brutal truth: nobody lives a pain-free life.
It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure — Marquis de Sade
You can’t run away from struggles, but you can choose the ones you want to face. When you set a goal, don’t think solely about what you want, but also what kind of pain you are going to sustain.
There is no easy way. You must choose because life is not all fun and games.
It’s okay if you fail goals. Most of the time, it’s because you focused more on the award you would get than the path you had to walk.
It might take long before we realize that we don’t actually want something we thought to crave.
Don’t Focus On Setting The Right Goals
Success is not a point to reach, but a mountain to climb.
We achieve our goals only if we focus on the process that leads to them. The system of behaviors, routines, and determination we put into everyday life is the one that pays off.
James Clear, author of the well-known book Atomic Habits, gives us an illuminating insight:
Prevailing wisdom claims that the best way to achieve what we want in life — getting into better shape, building a successful business, relaxing more and worrying less, spending more time with friends and family — is to set specific, actionable goals. For many years, this was how I approached my habits too. Each one was a goal to be reached. I set goals for the grades I wanted to get in school, for the weights I wanted to lift in the gym, for the profits I wanted to earn in business. I succeeded at a few, but I failed at a lot of them. Eventually, I began to realize that my results had very little to do with the goals I set and nearly everything to do with the systems I followed.
I will cite a few compelling examples I found in the book:
- If you’re a coach, your goal might be to win a championship. Your system is the way you recruit players, manage your assistant coaches, and conduct practice.
- If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal might be to build a million-dollar business. Your system is how you test product ideas, hire employees, and run marketing campaigns.
- If you’re a musician, your goal might be to play a new piece. Your system is how often you practice, how you break down and tackle difficult measures, and your method for receiving feedback from your instructor.
James’s word again:
Now for the interesting question: if you completely ignored your goals and focused only on your system, would you still succeed? For example, if you were a basketball coach and you ignored your goal to win a championship and focused only on what your team does at practice each day, would you still get results? I think you would. The goal in any sport is to finish with the best score, but it would be ridiculous to spend the whole game staring at the scoreboard. The only way to actually win is to get better each day.
See: systems are the ones that help you gain success, not goals. That doesn’t mean goals are not important. They help you establish a direction to follow, but it’s your daily behavior that actually makes the steps.
So if your system is full of undesired struggles, how could you make your goals achievable?
This one by Mark Manson opened my eyes:
Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. People who enjoy the struggles of a gym are the ones who run triathlons and have chiseled abs and can bench-press a small house. People who enjoy long workweeks and the politics of the corporate ladder are the ones who fly to the top of it. People who enjoy the stresses and uncertainties of the starving artist lifestyle are ultimately the ones who live it and make it. This is not about willpower or grit. This is not another admonishment of “no pain, no gain.” This is the most simple and basic component of life: our struggles determine our successes. Our problems birth our happiness, along with slightly better, slightly upgraded problems. See: it’s a never-ending upward spiral. And if you think at any point you’re allowed to stop climbing, I’afraid you’re missing the point. Because the joy is in the climb itself.
It’s not what you want to be that defines who you will be. It’s what you do.
If every goal involves actions we must sustain, find the reason behind your struggles.
“The first step to getting what you want is to have the courage to get rid of what you don’t.” — Zig Ziglar
Next time you set a goal for yourself, don’t focus only on the victory. Think about the fatigue behind it.
Are you going to survive it? Well, then it’s worth giving a shot.
