Happy to be Here
Quick 13-second lessons: the quietest moments of our lives usually reveal the most. Busyness can act as a smoke-screen for the truth. We’ve created a system to measure a “fully lived day,” and that’s by how much we’ve “accomplished.”
In other words, while doing a whole buttload of seemingly nothing during the last 3 weeks in Budapest, I’ve discovered a whole lot.
As soon as my flatmate and I arrived (did I mention I have a flatmate until the end of the month?), he got sick. I used that as an excuse to hold off on major sightseeing— I know, hush. Instead, I began a more structured daily routine: praying, reading, meditating, writing, studying Spanish, watching mystery thrillers on Netflix, and taking cold showers (don’t ask).
And then I got sick. While I was laid up in bed for 4 days, everything I’d been working on went out the window. Then by the time I felt better, I realized my month here was almost up, so I resolved to spend my last two weeks outside.
…of course, the week I felt better was also the week it rained endlessly. I’m talkin’ gloomy, cold, disgustingly rainy day after disgustingly rainy day. Once again, I picked up my previous daily habits — adding a dash of morning exercise— and did my best to ignore the growing inner regret of not having seen more of this incredible country.
Here’s the thing, though:
This is the most I’ve ever meditated. This is also the most I’ve studied Spanish in my entire life — and I took 7 years of classes. I’ve read two whole books in 3 weeks, whereas it’d recently taken me 6 months to finish just one. I have more mental energy; I’m more present. I’ve learned so much. And yet, in the last 3 weeks, I’ve spent…5 full days outside exploring?
Having extra time on your hands doesn’t have to mean hours of unholy boredom or apparent uselessness (being a “waste of space,” as I used to affectionately call it). While working my corporate job, I didn’t have the energy to do much of anything outside the office. Even setting aside extra time for prayer felt like an exhausting feat.
Now, I don’t have an excuse. I have all the time in the world—which is true of everyone and, at the same time, true of no one. I may not know my next step, but I’m clearing the clutter to make way for it.
Meanwhile, Budapest is feeding me, giving me shelter, and providing me with unforgettable sights and sounds. I’ve adored every second of it, even the parts where I was miserably laid up in bed, having gone through 4 toilet paper rolls used as tissues.
And I still have another week! Most people don’t even have that. There are thermal baths to experience; musical fountains to dance around. I’m happy to be here—in Budapest, on this planet, in my shoes. I’m happy to continue learning and seeking. But I’m also happy to spend time in the quiet, as I peel back layers of life like a freshly fallen chestnut.
