Surviving Imposter Syndrome

Finding self-compassion in the fog of self-doubt.

“This essay is terrible. The other applicants have more experience. My skills aren’t unique. Why would anyone consider me for their program?”

I am a fraud.

The Disease of Doubt

Imposter syndrome is a disease. It spends most of its life in a dormancy phase, but periods of change in our lives can trigger the syndrome into activation. Experiences such as accepting a new job, receiving critical advice, or moving from student to professional can set off the disease. During these temporary flare-ups, we become afraid that our families, co-workers, and peers will find us out as frauds and fakes — that we somehow wiggled our way into our new roles via luck and chance.

Six months ago, I embarked on the application process for my Master’s degree in history. One element of the application was the research essay, which would show the college my research, analytical, and writing skills. I knew this was a critical piece of the application, and therefore gave it all my energy. I wrote early in the mornings, late in the evenings, often skipping meals. Sleep was conditional and caffeine was non-negotiable. To say I dedicated myself to this project would be an understatement.