Member-only story
How Long Will We Have to Keep “Playing the Game” at Work?
Performance isn’t enough, you need to become “one of us”.
I was so excited to see her. I hadn’t seen Miri in months! Ever since she started working in her new, flashy law firm, she had been working 80-hour weeks, and understandably prioritized eating and sleeping during her “free time”. As soon as the waiter served the wine and left us to it, I kicked off with the obvious question: “How’s your new job?!” To my surprise, I saw her bottom lip quiver and her smile begin to droop. She took a sip of wine and began to cry.
Miri had spent the last three months working in the finance team. She was one of the youngest members and the only female. Last weekend, “the guys” had all met up to play a game of tennis, before joining the Partner for a barbeque at his house. Miri obviously hadn’t been invited. And this was just one of many examples of when the men on the team had (whether consciously or negligently) excluded Miri from their plans.
Inevitably, this put Miri on the back foot. No amount of water-cooler small-talk could match up to the hours the guys spent together outside of work. There were dinners, after-work drinks, private members club events, and even a sunny afternoon watching Osaka play at Wimbledon! All the inside jokes added to the end of e-mails went…
