How to bounce back when people told you you don’t deserve it.
Put your actions in line with your ambition.
These criticisms. These opinions. They impact us much more than we would like to see. Whether they come from our loved ones, our peers, or famous strangers, we receive these criticisms and we ingest them without ever really digesting them. And this, sometimes for the rest of our lives.
Actually, I got the idea to write this article when I was watching the documentary about Michelle Obama. A great lady.
Michelle Obama tells at one point that her father suffers from a hard injustice throughout his life: that of not being able to have access to schools and jobs that match his ambitions. And this, unfortunately, because of racist discrimination which was very present in her time, but also because people were stubbornly telling her that he didn’t deserve this place.
But what is the legitimacy of people saying what you deserve or don’t deserve?
It seems to me that we have more freedom to question this freedom today, thank God.
The answer is within us, of course, but it is enormously influenced by the external environment. The challenge lies in building unshakeable trust (not a shell of denial) and taking external influences that interest us. The challenge of a lifetime.
Work on our internal psychological brakes.
For my part, I began this long journey of introspection in my early twenties. A trying journey, let it be said. But it is an essential step to move forward serenely and not to lug along the burdens of the past with oneself but also with one’s entourage.
Indeed, we often recognize people who don’t take this time for introspection and who unload their emotions on people… Sadly, and despite them.
When we take an interest in psychology and its link with the body, we can see that certain fears and emotions that influence our vibratory state (you are free to believe it or not) may have been transmitted a couple of generations ago.
Here my own path.
1) Sophrology to deal with our deep pains.
Working in marketing, I am very interested in psychology. But when it comes to dealing with my personal problems and internal fears, I inevitably need a connection to the body. So I started with sophrology sessions that mix psychology, meditation, and visualization. They helped me to understand my underlying problem and to gain more control over my emotions, as a hypersensitive person (who was not at all self-assured at that time).
2) Hypnosis to clean our unconscious.
Then I moved on to hypnosis, where trust with the therapist is all the more important because he will go straight into your unconscious. The effects are often immediate and you move slowly along the path of self-knowledge.
3) Brief therapy to remove brain bugs
It is essentially psychological, indeed, but which is oriented towards concrete solutions (exercises) to unblock the bugs in the brain. This may involve phrases to be marked, or phrases to be repeated several times in a row when a specific question arises. Like a punishment! Repetition is sometimes the path to healing.
For me, this step has been me the acceptance of myself, my personality, and my deep values in particular. Accepting that one cannot change one’s way of feeling but on the other hand one’s reactions to an event. I learned to see and understand the famous “red flags” and to learn to protect myself accordingly. In fact, two sessions were enough to soothe me. The adjective “brief” in therapy makes perfect sense.
4) Kinesiology or when the body translates mental health.
I also crossed the path of kinesiology, recently I must say. This alternative medicine makes it possible to test the muscular reaction to one or more thoughts. You know those incessant ruminations… In reality, our mental rumination has a huge impact on our muscles and creates specific tensions and reactions. A kinesiologist can understand your deep wounds just by testing your arm muscles! (You get the idea, they’re not magicians either, many questions go through the session).
It is through this path of alternative medicine that I have been learning for nearly ten years to know and accept myself to build this unshakeable trust that we are so much looking for (utopia…?). I think we just need to test with several professionals, trust them, and move forward to personal development slowly but surely. It takes time to know which therapeutic “solution” is best for you, and given the plurality of personalities and profiles, I don’t have a ready-made answer to give you. Only my own experience.
I know that one day I will need to mix my activity as a marketer with that of a kinesiologist because it is the alternative medicine that I see myself practicing the most.
Turning criticism into a challenge.
It’s one of my favorite games.
We can certainly question the legitimacy of these opinions that cast doubt on us, but we can also turn them into drivers.
If like me, you love life, you have ambition and perseverance, then an obstacle will become a motivation. A motivation that will allow us to surpass ourselves (an opportunity that we might not have seized without those famous critics who knows?). A motivation that will allow us to aspire to do better for ourselves, to reach higher, and then to generate pride, both in ourselves and in the eyes of others (and this pride in the eyes, actually brings us a lot).
To take up a challenge based on fear is to get out of our comfort zone and create your own path where we will become stronger day in day out.
Be inspired by the mentors you aspire to.
I already told about Michelle Obama, she is obviously one of my mentors, and as the documentary unfolds, she is one of many others as well. I consider her as one of my mentors’ thanks to her leadership, stemming from values that speak to me like integrity, benevolence, perseverance, and ambition. (In any case, it is these values that she exudes to me, in a purely subjective way).
Despite her very controversial character, I admire Anna Wintour very much for her ability to create an empire in the fashion world. She is known for her authority, which is reflected in the film The Devil Wears Prada by the way, as her success is undeniable. (Although we all have our own personal definition of success).
I also like to quote Emma Watson. I admire her ability to have gone from a film role in the world of fantasy to a figure fighting for gender equality. I love her charisma, her unshakeable belief in change and a better future, and her sunny and radiant personality.
I will quote one last mentor, fictitious this time. The character of Jaqueline Carlysle in the series the Bold Type. This character is at the head of a fashion magazine that unravels taboos, shatters stereotypes, and changes mentalities. I admire him for a mix of the qualities I listed above, including his charisma, his healthy and benevolent leadership, and his ability to listen out of the ordinary (without falling into gullible naivety for all that). Because being inspired by our favorite characters is also good for our mind (and our humor!).
As a woman, I need to identify with people of the same sex, for now at least. But I obviously have male mentors who go through my aspirations. The choice of mentors evolves over the course of our lives, which is not a bad thing because it proves that we are on the road to change!