How to keep conscious of your value.
When you’ve been ghosted both on a sentimental and professional level.
Bad time for dating. Bad time to find work.
It is what it is.
And because I am an optimistic person, I won’t blame the world to put me in that position (even if it clearly plays a sneaky role, damn it). We know the current exogenous facts like our dear healthy crisis that impact both the economical field and people’s mental health. No need to speak for decades about it (the media do it graciously in our place).
My life review at this period of time.
I may be optimistic, but my perspective is not as optimistic as I would have liked.
Let me give you an idea.
On a professional level.
I’m going through a lot of interviews (rather encouraging and stimulating for the moment), without getting a job (for the moment… Hope is an integral part of my life, as is work and perseverance. You don’t get something for anything). I rigorously work on my interviews (in English and Spanish, being native French, imagine the brain energy), I sometimes have the opportunity to be in the finalists, but still nothing. But… why?
You don’t know me (yet), but I deeply believe in work and learning values. Life is full of daily learning, whether they come from bad experiences, disappointments, or the positive ups and downs of life.
But sometimes the logic escapes me and I miss the binarity.
You try to fit so hard into the labor market. And then I try so hard to be disruptive because fitting didn’t work enough.
Now I just try to be me as much as possible. To authentically highlight my qualities, my areas for improvement, my character, my passions, my struggles, and my projects.
Rumor has it that we hire talents, personalities more than skills and profiles… So let’s fit it! (No, let’s do it, simply do it).
On a sentimental level.
On this level, we are faced with people who are enormously in demand (we, unfortunately, fall very quickly into the vulgar) whose interest remains very ephemeral. I don’t know if it is due to a very dense singles market (the confinement must have hit the couples…), a latent frustration, or an inordinate impatience, but the exchange generally doesn’t lead to anything concrete.
Meeting in “real life” becomes a real challenge. As if we had accepted to have a full-time virtual life only based on imaginary and fantasy.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t indulge in a life based on conversations that exist only through a screen. I need both, the virtual and the physical.
Question your standards.
For my part, I know them. And when they feel struggled, it’s really difficult to not question their legitimacy.
Let’s settle down for a moment. We remember our deep values, our borders (set aside), and what we are looking for (or what we absolutely do not want, that works too).
I must admit that we are sometimes (often these days) tempted to lower them to adapt to the context because of our frustrations in the background and our self-confidence a little bruised (the ego is less of a source of pride in these moments).
You Need To Keep Your Standards High and Expectations Low
Expecting too much can lead to big disappointments.
But to lower (forget…?) your standards is to forget yourself. And although incomprehension is commonplace in such situations, it is essential to keep these standards carefully thought out so as not to get lost and to accept who we are in its entirety.
Putting standards aside is putting one’s soul aside. And doing so, even temporarily, can affect us much more than keeping our standards and persevering with patience (which can seem interminable, of course).
It is true that in these moments, I have the impression that my emotional and professional life is based on uncertainties and assumptions.
I won’t hide from you that on my “life chart”, trust in others is on a downward slope and my demands are soaring.
Every time I have lowered my demands, I have blamed myself for it because I have paid it hard.
Never stop dreaming.
The positive point is that we become more agile than ever (if we give ourselves the means to always bounce back at each ghost) and that our perseverance has never been more valuable.
Our keywords during this particular period: patience, perseverance and dreams.
Because continuing to dream of stimulating career projects and healthy and fulfilling relationships nourishes our hope, the essence of deep human life.
Take a step back and make your dreams come true. This can be done through writing (the good old to do list), setting up a short-term and long-term action plan, or any other creative activity.
Long-term action you said? Who prevents us from dreaming big? Fear? Oh nothing very important in this case. Especially since fear can become more challenging than an obstacle if we change our point of view.
Let these emotions express themselves so that they continue to make us dream.
Let’s stimulate our imagination and dream our life and make our dream come true despite a shaky situation.
The dream may seem utopian, but it is the essence of our motivation and perseverance. This is why it is essential to nurture it.
Let’s keep lucidity and pragmatism when it comes to applying the steps of our action plan. But for now, let us let go and dream for a few moments.
My profound character is not to overwhelm all these exogenous facts that make the current period difficult to live through. I hope that yours is also not in a growing discouragement.
Although letting go of those things over which we have no control is not always easy (it feels like a lifelong learning experience to me).
Although frustration and questioning are very present, we must continue to move forward, to test, but above all to believe in it.
It seems to me that living a passive life is not good for any of us, isn’t it?