How we learned to thrive during home-schooling
Keeping expectations in check and setting-up for success (as you define it)
Parents are again under pressure to effectively deliver the National Curriculum to their children, often while simultaneously trying to hold down a full time job.
In the first lockdown, I threw out the worksheets and spelling lists and stopped attempting to teach my primary school kids the National Curriculum in the way it was prescribed.
In fact, we didn’t go back to school in September, in part because of the threat of COVID, but also because the kids have flourished with a child-led approach to home education.
My home educating methods, expectations and style (if you can call it that!) have significantly evolved since the first lockdown and I, for one, have learned a lot. I have had to adapt, change my plans and constantly be open to new ways of doing, thinking and being, but it has been fun. COVID forced me to close my conservation organisation and home school while building my business as a freelance editor (www.flourishlife.co.uk). With a large dollop of confidence and amazing support from my good friend Kathryn Pratt, founder of Soweni (www.soweni.com), an online space for reimagining education, it has worked out and, on the whole, we are happy and learning.
Keep in mind that the National Curriculum was not designed for home schooling.
Here are a few things that have helped me:
1. Be realistic about the schoolwork you can feasibly help your child (children) with. Tell the school if their expectations are too high. Daily homework and deadlines with the threat of falling behind will do nothing for your child’s learning or your family’s wellbeing. Not meeting the school’s expectations does not mean you are failing.
Your kids will be learning no matter what they are doing. Happiness and wellbeing should be priorities.
2. Get outside. Going for a walk or kicking a ball around in your garden will be good for the health of your whole family. Yes, I know its January, the days are short and the weather often cold and grey but push past that. Go out in the rain and the cold, breathe the air, feel the weather, let the kids explore and get muddy and then come in and get warm and cosy. Being away from screens and expectation and connecting with something real will help keep stress and anxiety down in all of you.
3. Be flexible and resist setting task schedules (if possible, and unless your child really needs this). In our highly structured world this may be hard to resist, but the freedom of time to explore, create and reflect is really powerful. If your child is engaged in something, let them finish. Does schoolwork have to be done between 9 am and 3pm, or on some days do you all fancy a walk, does your child want to finish their book or are they super inspired at 6pm? Given the chance, your family will fall into a natural, loose routine and things will get done, even if it’s not on the timescale you initially had in mind. Remember too that it is winter; sleep in, be cosy, stay in pyjamas and wait until inspiration or motivation strikes. Your kids will learn when they have an authentic need to do so and much more than if you force it.
4. Keep snacks available at all times and don’t limit them. I keep a full fruit bowl in easy reach, and a water jug because my daughter can’t reach the taps yet. My kids can help themselves to healthy snacks whenever they want, even right before lunch. They can also reach our homemade cakes and the crisps, but I trust them to ask before helping themselves and they typically do. Having food available saves arguments and gives them an opportunity to identify their needs and look after themselves.
5. Trust your kid’s curiosity and innate ability to learn. What do your kids want to do? What do they do if you don’t prescribe the activities? Find out what they are motivated to do and facilitate it. Provide the resources you can and nudge them along by asking open questions and listening to what they have to share with you. The worst days in our household are when I panic that I haven’t done anything that would be viewed as teaching or learning with the kids for a while. Suddenly they are expected to produce something they are not interested in doing but that evidences their learning. We always end up upset and angry. I’ve got better at quelling these urges that have been instilled in me by the education system.
6. Trust yourself. Trust you are enough and are doing enough. It’s ok not to know the answers, to not dedicate hours each day to teaching and to not be actively engaged with your child all the time. If your children are safe and fed, you are doing fine.
7. Spot learning opportunities (they are everywhere). This, my friends, is your ticket to freedom. It could be a walk, a film or a conversation, your kids will often be curious about something. Engage with them, no matter the topic, answer the “why?”, ask open questions and encourage them to find their own answers. My son has become passionate about World War 2. At just 8 years old, my instinct was to dull-down the realities of war and censor the knowledge he wanted to share with others. Once I relaxed, his learning flourished. He has dived-deep into politics, history, social inequality, racism, engineering, aviation and our family tree. He has found connection and pride in his long-departed great grandparents, and along the way unknowingly ticked off a lot of the National Curriculum learning requirements.
8. Recognise when your kids are learning and take the win. It took me a while to get this. We are so used to structured education, with defined tasks and prescribed learning outcomes. That’s not life–we are all learning all the time. Look out for times during normal life, not school tasks, that your children are learning. Did they negotiate with a sibling? Did they strategize during a game? Did they type a correct search term into google? Did they ask the date?
9. Respect your child’s space and alone time. We’ve all been much more home-based than ever before, and kids need space too. Your child doesn’t need to be constantly active and monitored. They might be engaged in imaginative play, reading a book or simply daydreaming. Let them be (and perhaps get some work done!). This is their time, and they are thinking, creating and going on adventures in their minds. They are learning, reflecting and growing.
10. Encourage independence. When I stopped to think about it, I was shocked to see just how much we, as parents, do for our children when they are quite capable of doing it themselves. Whether it’s preparing a snack, finding resources, zipping up coats or cleaning up messes, we are quick to swoop in largely because we can just do it quicker. Allowing your kids to do these things will not only eventually give you more time, but also give your kids new skills, independence and a sense of pride. My son, for example, wants homemade pancakes for breakfast a lot. Instead of flat “no” because we don’t have the time or don’t want them, I suggested he make them. It’s amazing how motivating pancakes can be! One huge learning opportunity there, from researching recipes, to reading, maths and the life skill of cooking. It needn’t be that elaborate, safely using the toaster or finding their own favourite t-shirt in the washing pile are positive steps too.
11. Allow your house to be a mess (or at least a part of it). No one is popping over and so, apart from the backdrop to your Zoom calls, how your house looks simply doesn’t matter. You might crave immaculate surfaces and clutter-free carpet, but now is not the time. Give your kids space to be creative, to live in their home, without rushing to pack things away or telling them off for leaving half-finished projects lying around. Don’t worry about snipped-up paper getting everywhere or insisting they keep their rooms tidy. Take the pressure off of all of you, you’ll save a lot of arguments and what your kids do with this freedom might surprise you.
12. Gather resources. Know what is out there to help you have a break and occupy your kids for a while. YouTube is a great resource, as are documentaries (I recommend anything Attenborough and My Octopus Teacher), colouring books and a box of recycling for junk modelling. I am also in awe of Lara Stafford and her Theatre of Science! Facetiming family and friends is also a winner.
13. Accept bad days. We all have them. You might be exhausted, ill or feeling low and tearful. Have no expectations on these days. It is completely ok for you all to watch TV all day, to snuggle in bed and eat junk food. This is real life, and you are human, and we can only do so much. Be honest with the kids. They will learn from this too. They will learn that humans get ill and feel sad, and that is normal and doesn’t need to be hidden.
I was chronically ill during the first lockdown, only able to be out of bed for about 4 hours a day, and far from functional when I was. My kids continued to learn and accepted the situation. They learned what helped me and what made things worse. They became gorgeously helpful, caring and compassionate. Thankfully, I’m up and running now (and that is a story for another day).
14. Ask for help. If the bad days are more frequent than the good ones, it probably time to ask for help. Friends and family are a good start, but sometimes it can be hard opening up to people who know us. The Samaritans are one charity that will be there for you.
These are just a few quick thoughts on how to maybe head into this period of home schooling in a positive way. These things have worked for us, and they may work for you.
Remember, the National Curriculum was not designed for home schooling. Your family situation is unique. Just because your kid’s best friend is completing mountains of set work on time, doesn’t mean your kid is falling behind because they aren’t. Don’t try to keep up with the Jones’s, it isn’t helpful. Do what you can and take pride in it.
Good luck!
