I Want the Future Now

and I am going to have to trip through life to get there

Gretchen Lee Bourquin
Mar 2 · 5 min read
Photo by Alex Knight on Unsplash

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Photo by Rhett Wesley on Unsplash

Searching for a Path

The urge to hide clashes deeply with my desire to matter in the world. How can I matter if I am in hiding? I know that I am different. Long before I was ever diagnosed with ADHD I knew I was different, divergent. Before I proceed, I have to tweak my world to comply with how I am that day.

Hurry Up and Wait

I deal with anxiety and depression in tandem with my ADHD, and part of that means that it can take me a long time to take a step forward. I have had an especially hard time the last couple of years, but over the past few months, I have been making a more decided effort to become more mentally healthy.

A Looming Recovery

Until Mid-December I lived with a person who was very mentally cruel to me. He is gone now, and not living with that person any longer has made me giddy in some moments, but memories still reinforce a lot of self-doubts. I do not want to give in to bullies and narcissists. Not even their ghosts. I have had enough of that.

Looking to the Future With Impatience

I want to jump forward to a time when this vision of a simple life with me and my little dog in a place of my own is a reality. When I can pay all my basic bills, and don’t have to feel guilty for existing and being less than perfect. For now, the waiting game still looms large. And I still have to worry about tripping up on one of those obstacles again. I am sore and bruised and scared and do not know if I can take another fall.

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Gretchen Lee Bourquin

Written by

I’m a MN writer battling my demons & learning to celebrate angels. facebook.com/gretchenleewritermn/ twitter.com/gretchenlee instagram.com/gretchenleebourquin

Age of Awareness

Stories providing creative, innovative, and sustainable changes to the ways we learn

Gretchen Lee Bourquin

Written by

I’m a MN writer battling my demons & learning to celebrate angels. facebook.com/gretchenleewritermn/ twitter.com/gretchenlee instagram.com/gretchenleebourquin

Age of Awareness

Stories providing creative, innovative, and sustainable changes to the ways we learn

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