Feb 7
Nurturing Connections: Advice for Parents on Building Relationships with Kids
As parents, it is important to build strong relationships with our children. A strong relationship with our children can help them develop into healthy, happy, and successful adults
Once I was walking outside with my son. One of my relatives passed away and started saying —
“Afzal when I see you walking outside, your child is also with you. I do not pick up my children at all. At least I won’t be sorry tomorrow when they grow up and don’t care about me.”
Now the question is; is it possible to raise children positively with this kind of thinking? I believe that if you want to be in the children’s memories of tomorrow, you have to be in their lives today. Raise children in such a way that they grow up to tell people your parenting stories. They should consider you as their leader.
You will be able to correct children only when you have a strong bond with them. There is a huge misconception that the stricter the parents are with the children, the better the children will be, which is completely wrong. This weakens the bond between parents and children and the children start looking outward. Give children positive time. Nowadays, parents sit with children and both watch the screen together. And if the parents want to do something more, they put on the child’s favourite program or cartoon. Repeatedly doing this is extremely harmful. This is not a positive time.
A positive and ideal time is to sit with children, tell them a story based on their age and their favourite objects, and do some creative activities. Be active with the child whenever you have time. For example, play a game with them, and help them with homework or any other entertaining activity. If you watch the screen together with the child, it is not an active time but a passive one. The time spent actively with the child is called quality time.
My child is two years old, he has hardly started talking. Some of his favourite objects are cars, aeroplanes, animals, some birds and fish. He also watches cartoons on the screen and likes them. He insists that he watches cartoons more than his time and keeps the tablet with him. He cries while taking the tablet. I explain to him that screen time is over (within a child-level approach). I put him on my lap, and start the story with his favourite animal. I get his attention by calling out the animal sound. Within moments the child joins me in the story. Now he himself guides the story. Sometimes he starts it with a fish, sometimes with an animal, and sometimes with a bird. His father opens the story with his first word.
A common misconception in parenting is that parents are trying to correct their children. However, this is not the case. Children are your copy. This process is initiated by itself. You make every word and action the way you want to see your child tomorrow.
The attention of alders is the wealth of children. Children are very sensitive in this matter. They want their parents to be theirs only, pay attention to them, and talk to them. Although attention is such an important part of children’s lives, if parents do not pay attention to children, and do not listen to their stories, they feel bad. The more love and attention you raise your children, the better they will become. Sometimes children misbehave because they want attention from their parents. In this case, these children should not be shouted back at. You can also ignore this particular time so that children do not associate this habit or action with attention.
Have you noticed that when you talk on the phone or give time to someone else, the child makes different movements to get your attention? [Write down your response in the comment, please]
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