Practical Ways You Can Support Someone With Mental Illness
How to avoid well-meaning mistakes that harm instead of help
Two years ago, my husband and I were enjoying a day playing in the snow with our children. Little did we know it would become The Day — the one that splits time into Before and After.
While helping our children make snowballs, my husband began having trouble breathing. His heart rate spiked, he felt dizzy, and his limbs went numb. Hours later after an ambulance ride to the hospital, we learned he had suffered a panic attack.
We thought it was an isolated indecent until it happened again a week later. Within a month, he was unable to work, barely able to eat, and struggling with agoraphobia.
After numerous visits with doctors and specialists, he was diagnosed with severe anxiety and panic disorder. Fortunately, therapy and medication have helped him return to a relatively normal life.
Recovery is an ongoing process; in many cases, mental illness never completely goes away. But having a reliable support system can be invaluable to someone dealing with mental illness.
Watching my husband go through a drastic change practically overnight made me realize that I had no real understanding of mental illness. Before this happened, I had largely relegated mental illness to the category of Things That Happen to Other People.
I didn’t think about it because it never occurred to me that it would affect my life. When all that changed, I started a crash course in mental health education. Throughout the last two years, I’ve learned a few things about supporting someone with mental illness.
Perhaps more importantly, however, I’ve come to understand how easy it is to say or do harmful things unintentionally.
In general, I think most of these detrimental actions come from ignorance or ill-conceived “good intentions.” Regardless of the motivation, these common reactions to mental illness can have a severely negative effect on someone struggling with it. Here are some tips on actions to avoid and things you can do instead.
Acknowledge the struggle
It may seem like downplaying the severity of mental illness is the same as encouraging someone who is fighting it. Common examples of this are saying depression is “having a bad mood” or anxiety is “giving in to your fears.”
Unfortunately, these statements show an extreme lack of understanding about what mental illness actually is: a complex medical issue with countless possible causes, symptoms, and treatments.
When people treat a mental illness diagnosis flippantly, it just reinforces the idea that it’s an emotional issue, contributing to feelings of embarrassment, shame, frustration, and even hopelessness.
A better response is to acknowledge that mental illness is a medical condition, not a choice.
Avoid giving advice
Even though mental illness is a condition that doctors and scientists are still working to understand, many people are convinced they know exactly how to fix it. They recommend positive thinking and yoga to combat depression and prescribe meditation or essentials oils to cure anxiety.
Even advice that has some scientific backing (yoga may help some people with mental illness) should be given sparingly, if at all. Because mental illness is such a complex issue, symptoms and treatments often look completely different for each individual. What works for one person may not help another person at all.
The problem with this type of advice is that it implies that a person could cure their mental illness by simply trying harder. Many people with mental illness already feel like they have lost control of their lives, and advice like this can contribute to those feelings of failure. If you are asked for advice, it’s best to recommend seeing a medical professional and/or licensed therapist.
Offer sincere prayers instead of pat spiritual answers
Tying mental health issues to a lack of faith happens far more frequently than it should (which is never). My experience with this was in the Christian subculture, but it may happen in other religious groups as well.
I’ve heard Christians blame mental illness on unconfessed sin, lack of faith, and failure to pray “the right words.” Some people claim mental illness itself is a sin. It’s hard to overstate the damage this kind of talk can do.
Taking a medical condition and turning it into a moral failing is cruel. It’s especially difficult when the mentally ill person comes from a religious background.
Another facet of this is the tendency for religious people to recommend prayer or “faith” as an alternative to medical treatment. I firmly believe that God can and does heal people, and in rare cases that healing looks like an instantaneous, miraculous change.
More often, however, healing comes through science, doctors, and medication, and it often requires months or years of slow-and-steady progress. If you want to pray for someone, do so! But do it without offering judgment on their spiritual life.
Go back to the basics
Being supportive of someone with mental illness doesn’t require you to be an expert on their condition. You don’t need to understand the specifics of diagnosis or know how to pronounce the name of every available medication.
Be kind and compassionate. Offer a hug or a listening ear instead of advice. Encourage the person to find help and healing through whatever means is effective for them. Default to the simplest response: kindness.
