The Energy Accounting Activity for Autism
How to prevent a meltdown
When Maja Toudal was 18 years old she was at the shops with her boyfriend when she had a meltdown. She says, while the situation was very new to her partner at the time, he understood her Asperger’s well enough to handle it perfectly.
Maja explains, “He gave me physical space, which is really important. And he provided simple instructions. He said, ‘I’m going to take your hand now. We’re going to stand up now. We’re going right. We’re going forward a bit. It’s going to get bright now.’
“He led me out of the situation and sat me down and got me a glass of water.”
Maja explains, “If a child has a sensory toy like a tangle or a fidget spinner you could give that to them too. You can also just open the phone and put on a YouTube video or a piece of music or something. So, distractions are very helpful. But, expected distractions. You definitely don’t want surprises.”
It’s insider tips like this that have made Maja Toudal a leading voice on autism. She has written a book on her experiences growing up with autism — What Your Child With Asperger’s Wants You To Know — and often speaks at conferences and workshops, providing advice to parents and teachers caring for children with autism.
She is also the co-creator of the energy accounting activity, which she developed with the help of Dr. Tony Attwood, a clinical psychologist. The activity is a way to help prevent a child with autism from becoming over-stressed and having a meltdown.
The energy accounting activity
The energy accounting activity involves sitting down with a person with autism and creating two lists. A list of things that sap energy (withdrawals) and a list of things that replenish energy (deposits).
A numerical value is then assigned to each withdrawal and deposit to give it a weighting. Say 10 points means the activity gives/takes a little energy and 100 points means it gives/takes a lot of energy.
The idea is that when a withdrawal, or numerous withdrawals are made, deposits have to be made in order to prevent the account running into overdraft and a meltdown occurring.
Maja Toudal says she created the technique by analysing her own life and her own emotions.
“I didn’t have the words growing up to explain to my parents what having autism was like. I developed the energy accounting activity to make it easier.”
When she met Dr. Tony Attwood, he introduced the activity to his patients with great success.
As well as a clinician, Dr. Tony Attwood has written several books on autism spectrum disorder. Among them is The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome, which has become known as the definitive guide to Asperger’s, selling over half a million copies and being translated into 20+ languages.
Dr. Tony Attwood explains, “The energy accounting activity can be particularly useful because things can be different in autism and Asperger’s compared to typical people.
“For example, socialising is often energising and enjoyable for typical people, but it can be draining and stressful in autism. And these stressors and de-stressors can be wildly different in individuals.”
A big reason the energy accounting activity works so well is because it can be extremely draining to live with autism — even mundane activities can cause a sensory overload.
Maja explains, “You can generally expect a child with autism’s energy to run low before your own. It’s like a laptop running on batteries. When just two programs are running, the battery remains charged longer, but when the laptop’s running ten programs at once, it dies quicker.”
When I asked Maja if she has other advice to help parents and teachers better understand and support a child with autism, she referred me to the 10 rules from her book, What Your Child With Asperger’s Wants You To Know.
What every child with Autism wants you to know
1. There is something in this world that I am great at
“Every child with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) is good at something,” Maja says. “However, they may need help finding that talent, developing it, or sticking with it until they become good at it.”
But once they do discover what they’re great at, Maja says, “those children will experience tremendous joy.”
2. I am a human being, no matter how different I seem
“Regardless of how much support a child needs due to their autism, he or she still deserves respect,” Maja says.
“The way parents treat their autistic child will have a huge impact on his or her self-worth.”
So although you can — and should — offer your autistic child help and support, you always want to do it with respect.
3. I need love
“It’s tempting to believe children on the autism spectrum don’t need love because they might not enjoy being touched or hugged,” Maja says. “However, they absolutely do — oftentimes, they just need it to be expressed differently.
“You could express your love verbally rather than physically, or give a smile instead of a touch. You can also ask if the child wants to be hugged. And remember, if they don’t want to be touched, don’t see it as a rejection.”
4. I am different from every other person on the spectrum
“Each person with autism is as different to the next as each person without autism,” Maja says. “Children on the autism spectrum have different personalities, ways of expressing themselves, unique sensitivities, and diverse backgrounds.
“For these reasons, you can’t — and shouldn’t — assume a child is just like every other child on the spectrum. Instead, you should view a child with autism as being every bit as unique as someone who doesn’t have autism.”
5. I am trying
Parents of children with ASD may get frustrated when it doesn’t seem like their child is trying. Their child might even be viewed as lazy.
Maja urges parents to trust their child is doing the best he or she can.
“Rather than viewing your son or daughter as not putting forth enough effort, it’s important to understand they also wish they could do more and live up to others’ expectations.”
6. I need space
People can be overwhelming to be around. By contrast, spending time in solitude can be restorative for children on the autism spectrum.
“So, avoid the tendency to equate a child’s need for alone time with loneliness,” Maja says. Although children with ASD may experience loneliness, for the most part, they view solitude as desirable and restorative.
7. My energy is spent quicker
You can generally expect a child with autism’s energy to run low before your own. Maja explains, “Because people with autism have sensory and processing programs that require active attention, their ‘batteries’ drain faster.”
Parents and teachers should remember this when planning activities and setting expectations for a child with autism.
8. Sometimes, I need a day off
Maja asks parents to imagine what it would be like to never have a day off for the rest of their lives. This can be how children with ASD feel, because the only time they can relax is when they’re alone.
While Maja realises that parents may view this statement as a slap in the face, she urges them to understand that it in no way diminishes their important role in a child’s life.
9. Chill out
Although Maja understands that this is easier said than done, she encourages parents and teachers to do the best they can to ‘chill out’.
“Feelings are contagious. So, when you get stressed out, your child picks up on this and becomes stressed as well.”
“Rather than allowing that to happen, it’s important to remain calm and act like everything will be okay. A child with autism is likely to pick up on these feelings and, as a result, your easygoing demeanour will go a long way toward maintaining a more harmonious household.”
10. I need you to catch me, not carry me
“All too often, parents want to ‘carry’ their children and prevent them from experiencing any hardships along their journey,” Maja says.
“You need to allow your child to get bruised from time to time. By doing so, you’re showing them you believe in them. This mindset is incredibly important, because it helps children develop the confidence to succeed and is the foundation of self-worth.”
For more tips, read Maja Toudal’s book, What Your Child With Asperger’s Wants You To Know: And How You Can Help Them.
