The Harvard Lawsuit: How Asian FOMO can be destructive
I knew which high school I was going to by the time I turned 5. My father was set that I attend a particular Jesuit run school. Before I even attended it, I already knew about the teachers, the name of the principal (Fr. Obriegewitsch), and even that there was a competition involved called an entrance exam.
As the application deadline approached, my father was worried. He wasn’t impressed by my school’s ability to prep me for the exam. So I spent my summers at our convenience store, sitting on stacked cases of six-packs of beer. He wanted me to focus on math and his teaching method was simple: quantity had a quality all to its own. He spent 120 seconds showing me how to do a problem and I was expected to work through the problems in the textbook… which was in German.
Application day approached and my father mobilized. We attended every open house and read every brochure, trying to glean any clue for success. Because I was Roman Catholic, I needed a priest’s endorsement. My father skipped our Korean priest for a “Canadian” one (read: white), thinking it would bring more credibility. In the end, after almost half a decade of preparation, I got in. There was no major celebration, just a handshake and an enormous sense of relief.
I’ve written about the lawsuit against Harvard brought forward by a group of Asian Americans on the grounds that the school’s affirmative action program unfairly discriminated against people of Asian heritage. They argue that, because the school took race into account, Asian Americans were forced to perform significantly better on their standardized tests and academic grades as well as in their extracurricular activities. One rejected applicant had even performed music at the White House.
I understand where the plaintiffs and their families are coming from. FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) is a powerful impulse, especially for people who feel there are limited economic opportunities for their children. And if there’s a chance, even a small one, of finding an edge to success, why wouldn’t you take it?
I feel deeply that the lawsuit is a waste of time for the families involved. Even if they are successful, it will only result in a marginal increase in the number is Asian American students attending the Ivy League. There are only so many physical spots at Harvard compared to the thousands of would-be Asian applicants each year. They’ve only increased the probability of success by decimal points. Worse, I feel most of the youth involved in the suit will fall in an “if only” trap — “If only I got into Harvard, my life would be so much better”. This thinking allows people to abdicate personal responsibility resulting in weakened resilience and grit muscles as they pursue their professional ambitions. For these families, they’ve channeled their FOMO into something that will prove to be ultimately disappointing while disempowering their children.
As someone of Asian heritage, I would counsel the plaintiffs that there are much more daunting obstacles waiting for them. The Bamboo Ceiling is real enough and that forces us to pick our battles and select our tools judiciously. The Ivies aren’t the only path to success and there are other means aside from suing them if you can’t get your way. I’d tell them that, as a former human rights lawyer focused on prosecuting war criminals, I could describe what real injustices look like and this wasn’t one of them. I’d tell them that rejection is a common facet of life, especially for our community. You could do all the right things and it doesn’t always pay off in the short term. And that sometimes rejection or failure isn’t the result of an unfair system but that maybe, just maybe, they could have done a better job.
It’s an offshoot of something I learned from my father: life isn’t fair, get over it. He lived through two of the worst conflicts of the 20th century, worked in a German coal mine, and after he emigrated to Canada was forced to open a grocery store when he wanted to sell hardware but someone stole his car with all the tools. For him, there was no shortcut to success, and that road is made longer for many people through no fault of their own.
But the rout to acceptance — and success — has many paths, too. Even my father realized that; in the end, he had me fill in applications for other high schools besides the Jesuit one that he wanted. I managed to get into his first choice, but I learned even back then that this wouldn’t be my only challenge — nor my only chance — to succeed. I trust that the students suing Harvard make that realization someday soon, too.
