Age of Awareness
Published in

Age of Awareness

The Mental Struggles of a Freelance Writer

Photo by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

Sometimes I feel like writing is not enough. I see how there are lots of online business models out there that I can just jump into. Then I start to remember how I’m not about the money — at least for now. I try to convince myself that growth is always like this. It may not look like much, but if I can keep at it for a while, it would make sense.

But do I listen? I say these things to myself, I even write about it, but I struggle to follow through with it. Am I a fraud? Am I supposed to keep writing what I struggle to follow?

Why would I be telling people to be consistent when sometimes I struggle with consistency?

I use my words as motivation when I feel like pivoting, and somehow something pushed me to publish one of those. Usually, they remain on my laptop until I forget they exist.

In the past few days, I’ve not had the vibe to keep writing. I still write every day, but somehow, it feels like I’m not doing enough because how can I put all my focus on one thing?

But from my little experience and all that I’ve read, having a single focus is how you achieve the most benefits.

But I have to tell you that sticking to one thing is not as easy as you might think. Writing about consistency is easier than being consistent. Despite all that is going on outside that may or may not affect how you feel, you have to keep going because it’s the course I’ve chosen, so I have to stick to it.

I talk about writing so much, but sometimes, I start to think of other alternatives. I may do what I keep warning everyone about, which is, don’t compare yourself with others, but somehow I do, and I see the effects, and my focus gets affected.

I start to ask myself if this is where I see myself when I’m at that person’s level. I begin to re-calculate. I begin to worry if I’m doing the right thing by actually putting all my eggs in writing. I start to wonder if I should diversify.

Then I get another question: Have I not been diversifying before I started writing? Where has that gotten me to, so I stick with it. This is the time I now become glad I write about all these helpful tips because the process of writing it makes these things stick whenever I need them.

Other times when I have too much work on my plate, I start to wish I didn’t start writing. There’s too much stress in this thing. I’d tell myself. I’ll find myself writing from when I wake up to when I sleep at night. I’d spend days working on projects back to back.

At night before I sleep, all I would think about would be the things I can include to the articles to make it more appealing. I’d wake up with new ideas and go straight to my computer in the morning.

Then at random, I’d be excited about the whole writing thing. I have to do a bit of research and put it in an appealing way — then I get paid. Many times, it feels unreal that this is what I do for a living. It’s not so bad. I’d later tell myself.

In all that excitement, I write freelancing or writing-based articles — to help the next person.

I think the times when I start to look for alternatives are when I go a few days without any writing job. I begin to worry if I’m doing enough. If just writing alone is sustainable. It all clears up when I get a new gig days after.

It’s like being in an immature relationship where if you’re not with your partner, you start to get worried. I guess it’s because I’m still new to writing, which is why I get this feeling. We haven’t built that solid relationship yet. But with time, I would begin to trust it more, then now easily give my all to it without any worries.

Now we are still in the building phase. I and writing are still trying to understand each other hence the feeling.

My mind does the most. Today, I just allowed my mind to fill the pages without any meaningful direction.

If you managed to read this article till the end, you’ve won my respect because you were able to read through the chaotic thoughts that my mind produces.

Rather than thanking you for reading, I’ll say:

I respect you for reading.

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