When Are Children Developmentally Ready?

Many parents and educators spend a lot of time worrying about whether a child is developmentally ready for this, or for that. People either fret about a child learning about something too soon, or they fret that the child is “developmentally behind” because they haven’t reached a particular milestone at a certain age. But is this really something to be worrying about? When is the best time for a child to learn to walk, speak, read, write, or any other number of things?

As a former school teacher, there was always much worry from the school and parents when a child was deemed to be “behind”. They were labelled as such because the child hadn’t reached the official standard for their age. To be “behind” in anything was always taken very seriously and remedial help was quickly assigned to any child who didn’t learn things as fast as the rest.

Those children who learnt certain skills more quickly than the average, or who were interested in things usually associated with older children or adults, were also often seen as a problem within the classroom. They don’t fit our stereotypes of what children that age often want, and so we tended to not take them as seriously as we should and ended up holding them back in a variety of ways.

That being said, there is a myth that continues to perpetuate within society that says that the sooner a child learns something, the better. Parents and teachers are eager to teach children as early as possible to know their letters, their colours, write their name, and count to ten. Sometimes parents see themselves as most successful if their child can do some academic task earlier than any other child they know that age. The thinking is that if a child learns something early, then they must be intelligent. And if they don’t learn something as quickly, then there must be something wrong with the child’s intelligence. This way of thinking is simply not backed up by science or statistics.

You can still see a bit of this angst when parents talk about their child learning to roll over, crawl, or walk; however, it is not as strong as when mental ability is discussed. This seems to be because parents have mostly figured out that a child learning to walk early or late has little to do with how fast a runner they will become. Most children learn to walk around 9–12 months, but it is still perfectly normal for some children to learn to walk around 16–17 months or so. Learning to walk later in life is not a big problem. If there is a severe physical impairment, then yes, this is a problem, but the timing of the learning is not a problem. We have reluctantly accepted that the age of a child matters little in reaching physical milestones, that reaching a physical milestone early doesn’t necessarily mean they will therefore be physically fitter long-term. So why do we continue to think that sooner is better when it comes to mental milestones?

There was a study done here in New Zealand on comparing two sets of children who were learning to read. The first group had children who were taught to read at five years old and the second group had children who were taught to read at seven years old. Compensating for other factors, the study found that at around age ten, the children learning to read at seven had caught up to those who were taught to read at age five. The later starters had no long-term disadvantages in decoding and reading fluency. An interesting finding was that the later starters had slightly better reading comprehension skills. So much for earlier being better.

The age when most children learn to read is around 6–7 years, but it is still perfectly normal for some children to learn to read at approximately 9–10 years or even older. Learning to read later in life is not a big problem from numerous case studies of children who learnt later in life. Again, if there is a serious physical impairment, then yes, this is a problem, but the timing of the learning is not a problem. Sometimes learning later can actually be better as the study mentioned before showed.

Phoebe Wells had three children with whom she took a natural learning approach. They all learnt to read at dramatically different ages. One of her children learnt to read at four, another at eight, and one only learnt to read at thirteen. The child who learnt at thirteen had a few frustrations along the way, but when reading happened for him, it happened quickly. Phoebe recalls that he went from “Cat in the Hat to Shakespeare in a matter of a month.”

Peter Kowalke only started to want to read when he was ten. He mostly read comic books, but when he was thirteen, he switched from comic books to classic texts. The fourth full book he read was Plato’s Republic. When it came to writing, Peter learnt to write at thirteen when it became purposeful to him. He had become interested in a girl and wanted to write to her. From these first letters, a love of writing developed to the point where Peter studied journalism at university and went on to become a professional journalist and editor in New York.

I am bringing up some rather extreme examples to be sure. In all likelihood, your child will probably not take as long to learn to read or write. There is a normal distribution curve as with most things in nature. What these stories do highlight is that the stress and worry that many people have regarding these things is not well-founded. Sometimes good things take time. In fact, it can be said that sometimes better things take a longer time.

So when is the best time for a child to learn something? When they are capable, and they desire to learn it. It may sound somewhat circular, but mostly the way that we know that someone is capable of learning something is also when they show an interest in learning it. We are quite good at knowing our own bodies and what they are capable of even if we do so subconsciously. We will be motivated to learn something when we think we will be capable of it, and we have the desire to do so. A two-year-old will not want to learn chess. A one-month-old will not have the desire to walk. However, it is not surprising that a six-year-old may wish to learn to read.

So let go of judging your child by the milestones dictated by some authority. Get to know your child. If they want to learn to do something earlier than the average child, they should go for it, it’s fine. If they only want to learn something later than the average aged child, that’s fine too. All that is achieved by pushing children either earlier or later is to increase frustration and create a mental barrier in front of the child that they may have a hard time getting over later in life. There are many adults in society today who resist reading. Perhaps the constant pushing of teachers and parents in their childhood meant that it destroyed any enjoyment of the activity and so they became hardened against it.

Learning should be enjoyable. A thing becomes enjoyable when we desire it. So let’s allow children to choose their own developmental timelines. They’ll be better for it.