Hormone Therapy Starts in 2 Weeks

A first date with someone who’d already chosen to live without regret

Image by author, shared via CCA

“I came from an IVF appointment.”

I want to jump out of my seat. Race to the other side of our two-top and give her the biggest hug. Shock the patrons of this Chicago Streeterville Thai Restaurant, make them think, “Oh, I guess they weren’t on a first date!” Remind them how old friends make the best young lovers. Wait, are we old friends? Old souls? It’s just… it’s so, so ever-so-obvious to me, a stranger who doesn’t know shit about this raven-haired woman, this is the right play for her.

Now, we were, what felt like, three sentences into pleasantries about summer in Chicago at this point… so, I don’t break the table’s barrier.

Ivy and I had swiped each other on Tinder. She’d dressed as Oppenheimer for Halloween. I’d posted a black and white photo of me with a Covid-induced six-pack. (Artfully captioned, “Forgive Me.”) Both of us were in long and loving open relationships, so why not rush into this first date?

Three more sentences into the conversation and she looks at me all nonchalant, “What about you, do you want kids?”

My lungs seek more oxygen than exists. My heart fills with blood. No pump, all flood. Then on the dam’s release I say…