How Strong Intimate Relationships Influenced and Shaped Me

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” — Donald Miller

Gurpreet Dhariwal
Apr 7 · 5 min read
pasja1000 | Pixabay

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems — the ones that make you truly who you are — that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it’s got to be the right wrong person — someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.”
Andrew Boyd

I am a romantic person at heart. Even though I have been through some really tough times in life, I never gave up on an idea of love. And when I talk about love, it’s not only about the special people I write about here today.

I have felt love for people close to me. I especially loved them, and I still do.

How my relationship was influenced by their presence and how I learned to face every problem in the eye is something they taught me from time to time. I don’t have one of them in my life today but what they both taught me is going to be with me for the rest of my life.

The Feeling of a Grown-Up Mature Woman In Teenage Years

My first intimate relationship was with my female friend who I met in graduate college. She was wearing a blue denim jacket with blue jeans when somebody called her name and it was me whom she approached to ask about the way to the reception. I accompanied her, and what followed afterward ended in the year 2018. She knew me for a good 14 years.

What fascinated me about her was her ideas, the way she carried herself, and the way she used to explain things to me. Even if we disagreed she always had a way to turn things in a manner that made me realize she wasn’t standing against me but rather portraying a different version of truth to me. I started admiring her. She was the only friend who never got angry with me and always listened to my issues. I was the same for her.

That sense of belongingness I have felt last year with my newly made female friends and along with them, she holds a very special place in my life forever.

Intimacy with her made me learn five things:

  • It wasn’t always necessary to get angry to get my ideas noticed.
  • I learned to let go of my ego and be a good listener to others.
  • Her soothing aura made me learn about life is not always revolving around the dark side.
  • I started admiring myself a bit more, and I lacked this because I wasn’t giving more attention to myself during my growing up years.
  • She taught me how to face every problem with a cool head and never give up on life. It remained in my memory forever.

Connection of One Soul to Another While Discovering the Priceless Friendship

This story goes back to Yahoo Messenger days when I didn’t know any other way of messaging my friend other than Yahoo. I met him in one of the chat rooms of Pakistan and assumed he was not from India. I never asked him his age and started chatting with him as if he was of my age.

Years later he told me that he was 8 years elder to me and he always found me so honest and attentive in my character. He came to Delhi to meet me in 2004 when I was studying in the 12th standard and ever since then we have been soul friends. He did propose to me, but I never fell for him hence we never formed a couple.

I was more intimate with his ideology, the way he treated women, his overall being, and most importantly his honesty. There have been days when we fought like animals but we always got back to each other because this connection, that comes from the soul, is so rare and I didn’t wish to trade it for anything else in this whole world.

He has stood with me during dark phases of my life and for this, I will always be thankful to him.

Intimacy with him made me learn five things:

  • I wasn’t perfect nor was he but we stick together like honey bees.
  • I always have his back and for that, I will always be grateful to him because he has taught me how to stand for others even for those who cannot stand for me in return.
  • He helped me financially and never degraded me. He has taught me the language of respect and resilience and I am going to take that to my grave all intact.
  • He has been through a lot, and he told me once that we are alike. When tough times strike we fight back life. I wrote it in my gratitude journal to keep myself going on in life.
  • I learned to be strong while being vulnerable. He taught me it wasn’t necessary to be perfect to love life again. I never forgot this lesson either.

There could be innumerable relations in the world but as far as I am concerned I will feel intimate towards people who speak right from their soul and feel the pain of others. Those are my people. If you look so happy or plan to sell me lies the truth is we won’t gel up at all. I will disconnect with you faster than you would ever think of.

I choose my people wisely because I have been through some dark times in my life. I choose people who tell me who I am and why they feel so close to me. I choose them because they don’t want me to lie to my soul. I am so blessed that in this world I know the power of intimate relationships and I got to be intimate with them on a mental level. That’s the best level, to begin with in any relationship if you ask me.

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.” — Donald Miller

Gurpreet Dhariwal is the author of “My Soul Rants: Poems of a Born Spectator.” Her eBook is now available at Google PlayStore, Amazon, and Kindle. Connect with Gurpreet on LinkedIn, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, or Youtube

Age of Empathy

Inspire. Connect. Grow.

Gurpreet Dhariwal

Written by

Author of “My Soul Rants: Poems of a Born Spectator”. Domestic Violence Survivor, Sketcher, Dog Lover, Poet. https://gurpreetdhariwal.com/

Age of Empathy

Authentic stories from the heart for those seeking a place to contribute, connect, and grow.

Gurpreet Dhariwal

Written by

Author of “My Soul Rants: Poems of a Born Spectator”. Domestic Violence Survivor, Sketcher, Dog Lover, Poet. https://gurpreetdhariwal.com/

Age of Empathy

Authentic stories from the heart for those seeking a place to contribute, connect, and grow.

Medium is an open platform where 170 million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface. Learn more

Follow the writers, publications, and topics that matter to you, and you’ll see them on your homepage and in your inbox. Explore

If you have a story to tell, knowledge to share, or a perspective to offer — welcome home. It’s easy and free to post your thinking on any topic. Write on Medium

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store