I Am Not Going Down That Road Again
AoE prompt #1 — are you a “yes” or “no” person?
I’m a bit of both — a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’ person- at the same time. Being the eldest amongst my siblings, I was taught to always look out for others, so this is what I’ve been doing all my life — keeping other people’s feelings and desires first.
I’ve kept my feelings inside and have always tried to keep a hold on my emotions. I’ve put on a brave face when I was scared, I’ve kept a straight face when all I wanted to do was cry; because I was supposed to be responsible.
I’ve said ‘yes’ far too many times when I should’ve said ‘no’. I’ve been saying ‘no’ to myself for a long time when I should’ve said ‘yes’ to everything that made me feel alive and present in the moment instead of forgoing my needs.
What I failed to see was that I was doing this at my expense — at times, I deprived myself of experiences and opportunities because I thought it would be selfish to think about what I wanted. I never realised the importance of self-care because I was told to be selfless all the time.
Not making yourself a priority and neglecting yourself drains you out — emotionally, mentally and physically.
Making myself a priority, and attending to my needs first doesn’t make me selfish; it makes me human. I have to replenish myself so that I can take care of my family and loved ones.
So now I’ll say yes to myself. Yes to self-love. Yes to self-care.
I’m a creature of routine and habit; I dread change. I’ve always said no to change despite knowing it is the only constant. I’ve felt uncomfortable and nervous whenever I become exposed to new situations and surroundings.
Change appears difficult and unsettling, but it is necessary for the cycle of life. Without change, growth is not possible, and the absence of growth leads to stagnation.
Embracing change is an opportunity to transform your life, learn and grow. It creates flexibility and openness, allowing you to seize chances and welcome new beginnings.
I remind myself I’ve survived change even though I was resistant and intolerant. I might as well try to be accepting and open to the idea of change, and see how this plays out.
So I’ll say yes to change. Yes to stepping outside of my comfort zone. Yes to new prospects.
This pandemic has forced our fast-paced lives to a screeching halt. If not anything, it has provided us with a valuable resource which was scarce in our pre-pandemic lives — time.
We’re forever tied up in our frenzied lives, that we have no time — for ourselves and our loved ones. As the pace of our lives has slowed down, I’ve had plenty of time to give to myself and my family.
I’ve been able to engage in self-reflection. I’m doing things that I dreamt about but never got to do because I couldn’t make time.
I’ve been able to sit on the terrace looking at the clouds. I closed my eyes and felt the sun and wind on my face; I’ve been listening to the birds. I don’t even remember the last time I did anything like this. I’d forgotten how therapeutic and relaxing it could be to slow down and be in sync with nature.
So I’ll say yes to slowing down. Yes to unwinding. Yes to daydreaming.
I’ve had time to have meaningful conversations with my kids, which we couldn’t when we were all too wrapped up in our daily routines. I’ve become aware of how often I was too busy and was unwittingly saying no to them.
Now when my kids ask me if I have some time, I’ll say yes. Instagram and Facebook and Netflix, all can wait. Even the chores can wait, I’ll always get to do them later on, but this time with my kids won’t always be there — they’ll grow up.
So I’ll say yes to our conversations. Yes to our mindless chatter. Yes to being silly.
