Age of Empathy | Life
I Finally Stopped Hurting Myself
It was hard, but I did it
Life has a funny way of teaching us valuable lessons, and sometimes those lessons come in the form of challenging experiences. In my adulthood, I found myself trapped in a cycle of overthinking, unable to escape the suffocating thoughts that plagued my mind. It was as if one wrong thing that happened to me had the power to consume my every waking moment, and I took everything so seriously that it became a nightmarish existence.
I vividly remember those days when a simple mistake or an unfortunate event would trigger an endless loop of replaying the incident in my mind. It was like being trapped in a room with no windows, and the air was getting thinner with each passing thought. My mind became a battleground of negative self-talk, self-doubt, and anxiety. I was constantly berating myself for not being perfect, for making mistakes, and for being unable to let go of the past.
One incident, in particular, stands out vividly in my memory. It was a typical school day, and I had just taken a math test that I was particularly nervous about. Math had never been my strongest subject, and this test felt like a defining moment for me. As the teacher handed back the graded tests, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.
When I saw the red marks and a lower grade than I hoped for, my world seemed to crumble around me. The negative self-talk began to escalate rapidly. "You're such a failure. You'll never be good enough. Why can't you get this right?" It was like a storm of self-doubt and criticism swirling inside my mind.
As the days passed, my overthinking spiraled out of control. I couldn’t stop replaying the test in my mind, analyzing every question I got wrong and imagining all the ways I could have done better. The fear of disappointing my parents and teachers consumed me, and I felt like I was suffocating under the weight of my own thoughts.
In class, I became anxious and self-conscious, fearing that my peers were judging me based on my performance. I withdrew from social interactions, convinced that everyone else had it all figured out while I was destined to fail. The joy and curiosity I once had for learning were overshadowed by the constant fear of not measuring up. Every time when I remember that incident, I felt that I was not capable.
At first, I thought this intense rumination was normal. After all, everyone goes through tough times and reflects on their experiences, right? But soon, I realized that my overthinking was far from normal. It was impacting my mental well-being, my relationships, and my overall quality of life. I desperately needed a way out of this vicious cycle.
The turning point came when I recognized that I was inflicting unnecessary pain on myself by allowing these thoughts to consume me. Each time I dwelled on past mistakes or worried incessantly about the future, I was actively reopening wounds that had already begun to heal. It was like pressing my hand against a scab, preventing it from forming a protective layer.
I realized that constantly replaying past events or worrying about the future wouldn't change the outcomes. It was like trying to fight fire with fire – it only intensified the pain.
"Overthinking is the art of creating problems that weren’t even there." - Anonymous
With this incident etched in my memory, I made a firm decision to break free from the chains of overthinking. I knew that it wouldn’t be an easy journey, but I was determined to reclaim my peace of mind and happiness.
The first step was to acknowledge that it was okay to feel emotions but dwelling on them indefinitely was not productive. I began practicing self-compassion, understanding that it's okay to make mistakes and that no one is perfect. Instead of punishing myself, I embraced my imperfections and learned from my experiences.
Next, I started seeking help and tutoring in math. Rather than avoiding the subject, I confronted it head-on, determined to improve and learn from my mistakes. Slowly but steadily, my confidence began to grow, and I realized that I was capable of understanding math, just like any other subject.
Next, I started incorporating mindfulness techniques into my daily routine. Meditation and deep breathing exercises helped me become more aware of my thoughts without judgment. This allowed me to detach from negative thought patterns and gain a clearer perspective on my emotions.
As I continued my journey toward liberation from overthinking, I also surrounded myself with a supportive network of friends and family. Talking openly about my struggles and fears lifted a significant burden off my shoulders. They provided comfort, encouragement, and a different perspective that I couldn't always see on my own.
One essential lesson I learned along the way was the power of gratitude. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, I shifted my focus to the positives in my life. Keeping a gratitude journal and acknowledging the things I was grateful for each day brought a sense of joy and contentment that overshadowed the power of overthinking.
Over time, I gradually reduced the time I spent on ruminating. I realized that replaying the past or worrying about the future didn't serve any purpose other than robbing me of the present moment. I started setting boundaries for my thoughts, redirecting my mind towards productive and enjoyable activities.
It didn't happen overnight, but gradually, the grip of overthinking loosened, and I felt lighter. I became more resilient and better equipped to handle challenges without being consumed by them. When something happened, I allowed myself to process the emotions, but then I consciously chose to let go.
Today, I stand at a place of liberation. I don't hold onto things that don't serve me positively. If an unfortunate event occurs, I give myself 6 to 10 minutes to feel the emotions, but then I release them like a balloon drifting away in the sky. I don't permit my mind to dwell on the past, and I avoid repeatedly discussing it, for I know it only deepens the wounds.
My journey from suffocating thoughts to liberation has been transformative. I've learned that life is too short to be weighed down by overthinking and unnecessary worries. By practicing self-compassion, mindfulness, gratitude, and setting boundaries for my thoughts, I have regained control of my mind and life.
To anyone who finds themselves trapped in the nightmare of overthinking, know that there is hope for liberation. Embrace your imperfections, seek support from loved ones, and adopt mindfulness practices. Remember that you have the power to choose your thoughts and emotions – don't let the past or future dictate your present. Life is meant to be experienced and enjoyed, not overthought into a suffocating prison. Choose freedom, and you'll find peace within yourself.
