Internalizing the Positivity of Others
A life-changing moment that reminds me why giving up is never the answer
I consider myself an optimist, always looking forward to the positives of events; however, individual optimism can only take you so far. Through challenging moments in my life, I have realized that optimism as a collective is needed to overcome life’s most challenging moments.
Three years ago, I reached the end of my military training, participating in the final brigade exercise to receive my infantry qualification. This twelve-day experience is the most physically and mentally demanding period I had come across in my military career so far. I worked up to this exercise for the past seven months; every moment of gruelling training in the desert heat was to build me up to succeed in this week.
Throughout my training, I had kept a very optimistic view about any difficulties that I had come across, it was my dream from a young age to be a soldier. This is what I wanted, and the continued self-reminder that I was in the process of achieving it gave me the motivation to continue and push through.
I had given it all up in the pursuit of fulfilling this dream; I moved to a new country in which I didn’t speak the language, had no direct family or friends, and no idea where I would live. However, my optimism never dwindled in the beginning. I was headstrong, marching towards fulfilling my dream.
I had not even given it the thought that my final week of training could possibly break the optimism I had held on to so vigorously, but it did.
After twelve days of no sleep, eating canned tuna and olives, carrying 80% of my body weight, and marching more than 120-kilometres through the mountainous desert terrain. I was reaching the end of my individual motivated optimism, thoughts of self-doubt started flooding my mind as I marched endlessly through the nights. I was beginning to degrade in all aspects.
The exercise’s final act demanded a 60-kilometre march starting at dusk to finish at dawn before the desert heat would become unbearable. I was filled with excitement. This was the last obstacle standing in my way to fulfilling my dream. I suddenly forgot about how hard the rest of the week was and how exhausted my body was; nothing would stop me, I thought to myself.
That motivation lasted for about 6 kilometres into the march when the first river crossing was reached. Now I was soaking wet and swimming in my boots. Slowly but surely, the negative thoughts started to come back, and it would only get worse. I thought to myself, “why am I here? I can’t do this. it’s too hard; I can’t even feel my legs.” As the mountains became steeper and the night ever colder, my morale and outlook plummeted. I continued to push through after 30 kilometres, my feet finally began to dry, only to be met by another river crossing. I honestly thought that’s the worst it could get, only to be wrong once again. The march’s final leg consisted of 10-kilometres of carrying a stretcher on our shoulders; my platoon of 14 would continue switching off carrying two of our battle buddies until the end. Twenty minutes in, I went under the stretcher to switch someone out, only for the stretcher to collapse onto my shoulder, dislocating it.
That was the moment I truly broke. I had managed to stay injury-free for seven intensive months, only to dislocate my shoulder in a routine manoeuvrer I had done hundreds of times in the final crucial moments of the journey.
I stopped in my tracks; tears began to roll down my face. I was in excruciating pain but most of all, I felt utterly defeated. Any attempt at keeping an optimistic outlook was crushed. I tried, I gave it my all, had overcome so many challenges along the way, learned a new language, culture and gained independence, but at that very moment, I wanted to give it all up and just quit. Suddenly, I felt a hand grab the back of my vest and pull me forward; I tried to resist; I didn’t want to continue, but the hand would not let go and kept on pulling me forwards. I said, “stop I don’t want to continue, I’m done”. My platoon sergeant turned around and grabbed me, looking straight into my eyes and said, “you might think that right now everything is impossible, but I promise you that the moment you reach the top of the hill, you’ll forget about it.” He was right.
The moment I finished, I couldn’t even feel the pain in my body. I was engulfed in euphoria, and to think I was about to give up everything I had worked so hard for; because I, as an individual, lost my sense of optimism. That’s when it finally clicked; I was able to rekindle my optimism and passion for becoming a soldier due to somebody else’s positive outlook on a bad situation. Sometimes when you feel like nothing is going for you anymore and the entire universe is against you, it’s important to remember that those around you might have gone through a similar situation and are willing to support you to get through it too.
A quote that encapsulates the adversity I faced is:
“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves” — Edmund Hillary
