Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Should the dog sleep in bed with you?
You may be one of those people who lie awake thinking about important questions. What should I be doing with my life? Will my kids be okay? What time tomorrow will the fresh donuts be in the bakery case at the grocery store?
My big question is Why did I ever agree to let the dog sleep in the bed?
Most nights I go to bed relatively early, an hour or more before my husband. Harpo, our 15-pound Maltipoo, follows me, watches while I settle in, then burrows under the covers and presses up against me. Before too long, the cat makes his slow climb from the foot of the bed. He makes his little nest on my tummy and curls up with a sigh.
And there they trap me. When my husband climbs in, they shift to his side of the bed, and he falls asleep immediately with his arms around the pup.
At one point, I bought a cozy doggie bed and placed it on the floor next to our bed. I tried training the dog to sleep there. My husband was shocked when he came to bed and saw the dog banished to the floor.
“Look at those eyes!” he said. “Look at that sad face! How can you be so mean?” To the dog, he said, “Mama’s being mean, isn’t she!” Then he slept with his back to me until I relented and called the dog into the bed with us.
“That’s a good boy! Oh, who’s a good boy?” he cooed to the beast, ruffling his ears and inviting the dog to his side of the bed.
It’s the doggonedest thing
Whether we should permit the dog to sleep in the bed is an unexpectedly controversial question, not just in my marriage, but also in general. You can find scientific studies on the topic, with titles like “Sensory Proximity in an Interspecies Approach to Co-bedding: Understanding the Human Sleep Element When Practicing Multi-species Bed-sharing.”
Those against having a dog in your bed claim it confuses the animal’s understanding of human dominance — as if any human ever had dominance over their dog. Of course, there is the fear that if your dog has parasites, you can be sure they will end up in your sheets. You may also be at risk of diseases, including meningitis from your dog’s saliva. Makes me wonder what those researchers are doing with their dogs in the bed!
Those who approve of dogs sleeping in the bed maintain that the cons are fear-mongering and unproven. They contend that if your dog is clean and healthy and — here’s the clincher — if you and your spouse agree, a dog in the bed has its advantages. It lowers your heart rate, boosts your oxytocin, and helps you relax and sleep more deeply. Says the researcher who wasn’t pinned to the bed until dawn.
Marriage gone to the dogs
A priest friend of ours bristled when we shared that our dog sleeps in the bed with us. In his paternal way, he gently reminded us that the marriage bed is sacred, and nothing should come between the spouses. Even the children, he admonished, should not regularly sleep between a husband and wife.
It was hard not to agree. There are many nights when I feel like the menagerie between me and my husband conspires to keep us apart. But nothing creates a greater chasm than when I try to keep the animals out of the bed.
So the dog sleeps in the bed with us — and the cat does too when the dog allows it — even if researchers decide definitively that sleeping with a dog in the bed results in COVID-19, diabetes, Naegleria fowleri, or serial earthquakes in Haiti.
Those puppy dog eyes will trump any logic or reason, including the absolute certainty that the only reason the animals sleep in our bed is to keep us from escaping before their next feeding.
Does your dog sleep in your bed? Does it create tension in your marriage? Please leave a comment to share your thoughts.
And if you enjoyed this, please check out more of my writing at https://medium.com/@sweetcarolinerock.
