My Mom Taught Me Words. I Fell in Love with Language. I Miss Her So.
It is important to know the difference between “I can” and “I can’t”
I can
The overwhelming mandate of our culture is, “I can.” And if we can’t, God damn it, we will. From the time we are born inept and needy, our goal in life is to escape our helplessness by piling on independence and confidence. Our development focuses on two things — we can, and the icing on the cake, we can do it by ourselves.
Just look at the themes reflected in thousands of posts on any popular platform. Under the umbrella of “self-improvement,” we are encouraged to do better, faster, to get richer and more powerful. The more “I can,” the better.
The bedrock of our sense of ourselves is made up of attainment and accomplishment. “I can’t,” is a painful proclamation. More frequent at the beginning and end of life, it is often associated with frustration and shame and a tremendous sense of loss.
Let the games begin
My first memory of hitting the wall of “I can’t” came between my mother and a nun. It was the day before my First Communion. I was seven and the only child who attended public school. I hadn’t yet been inducted into the rigors of Catholic school boot camp.
