Santa, Let Me Be Selfish This Christmas
My ideal gift is finding an ideal place to be
I have always been a giver rather than a receiver. I am the type of person who starts looking for gifts a month or two ahead of time. I enjoy giving and seeing the joy on the faces of my friends and family.
This year is going to be different.
I decided to devote the entire Advent season to myself. I am not anyone’s wife, daughter, or girlfriend for the first time in my life. I am just me.
Very selfish and wrong for Christmas. I am supposed to be with my family, right?
To feel less guilty about being selfish, I am organising a Christmas dinner in Tbilisi, where I am spending this Christmas. Spending a family holiday alone in a foreign country is tough, so I will gather other fellow expats like myself to celebrate. Still, I would like it to be more about me.
So, what would be a perfect gift to ask Santa for?
I found myself wishing for an unusual gift. I am not wishing for possessions. I am wishing to discover where I belong—a place in the universe to put down roots.
After five years of travelling a lot, I realised I did not know what would be best for me. So why not ask Santa for this?
It is a crazy thing to ask for. What if I didn’t like what Santa brought me? So, in addition to this wish, I am going to learn to accept gifts rather than just giving them to others. It is a difficult task for a Mother Theresa like myself. The most difficult part is accepting something you never wanted in the first place.
Last Christmas, I received a gift that the giver, my friend, clearly wanted for herself: Palo Santo sticks and crystals that were meant to make me more attractive. Thanks for thinking about my self-esteem. They are still at the bottom of my suitcase. I bet someone else would use it better, though.
This year, I am accepting gifts in a new way: I am specifying as much as possible of what I need. I have no idea how it will work, but give me a chance.
So, Santa, to make things a little easier for you, I have created a list of criteria for what this place or places will be like.
It allows for deeper connections with people and places
I would like to live in a place where people value everyone’s ability to contribute to society. To make a difference. Some countries and communities are extremely closed. I did not get a chance to talk to other women my age in Tashkent, Uzbekistan’s capital, because they were too preoccupied with housework to go outside. It was also difficult in the Philippines and Thailand. So, check Asia off my list of places to be.
It lets me explore life from the locals’ shoes
I can live like an expat almost anywhere: same Starbucks, Dunkins, you name it. But I have always been curious about what motivates people to live in certain ways. Local food and diet, for example. Why do locals prefer fish to meat? Experimenting with my diet allows me to better understand myself and my surroundings.
It is a match between my values and the values of a place
I dislike glass and concrete cities where I can’t see the sky or hear birds. Yes, I understand that modern condos can be ideal for someone. Just not for me. I value nature, small family businesses, and being able to walk across a city.
I realise that a location is a very vague wish. In my universe, it could be a city, a house, or a person. Or all of them. But I am not ready to make a decision on this. Not right now. Not at Christmas. So you, Santa, have this privilege all to yourself. And I promise to try to learn from the gift you are about to deliver to my door.
