Viewing Life Through the Lens of ‘The Midnight Library’
I wanted to be a slider
I was three years into an eighteen-year escape plan from my marriage. Suicide never felt like an option; instead, I engaged in destructive behavior that endangered my health.
This was, of course, in direct contradiction to the eighteen-year plan, which depended heavily on me being alive to execute the escape. But that seemed like a small and insignificant detail.
One by one, I hung nappies on the line. Breathe in, breathe out. An endless loop.
Optimistic-Sandi piped up with a pep talk, designed to keep me on track, "Only fifteen more years to go. You can do this."
Wistful-thinking-Sandi broke in with thoughts of a cross-over loop, "Somewhere in an alternative reality there's a Sandi who made better choices. That Sandi hasn't coupled herself to a man she doesn't love. I'd swap places with her in a heartbeat."
Devil's-Advocate-Sandi derailed that thought, "How is that helpful? It's not like I can swap places with her."
Pessimistic-Sandi shunted in next, "Why did I have to be the Sandi stuck in a relationship that should have never been started? Why couldn't I be the Sandi that planned the route before she caught this train?"
