Why I Stopped Making Eye Contact With People
And, what compelled me to start again
When I was coming of age as a young woman, I felt the power of my gaze. I could dole out a look that meant “go to hell!” or one that invited “kiss me” without thinking twice. In middle school, I traded glasses for contact lenses and began to explore intimate connections with strangers through the power of my dark brown eyes. These never went beyond the exchanged glances, but when I got a cute boy or man to melt into my gaze, my heart fluttered and I was hooked. I craved more and more eye contact.
I became intuitively attuned to strangers, gauging which ones were safe to gaze at lustily and when I assessed incorrectly, I’d flip my lust-gaze to a “go-to-hell” gaze with a flick of my eyelashes. I knew I won when they looked away, uncomfortable.
When I was in my teens I felt that naive optimism of youth — the future laid out before me — the world, mine for the taking. That’s the kind of bubbly, excited energy I could feel emanating from my eyes. As I continued to intuitively make eye contact with more people I trusted, I felt into their vibe and with it. This could be as I walked my Yorkshire terrier on our 4-mile town walks, as I drove, or in a grocery store. Anywhere, where two sets of eyes could meet.
