With You, I Always Become A Kid Until I Don’t
The night is still raw, cause I’ve sinned to believe in soulmates
You stood beneath the umbrella’s gentle arch.
I believe you had a Munch bar, a sweet indulgence I occasionally enjoyed. I was certain it was in one of your pockets, eager to be relished by me. We would definitely share.
I walk my way from the bus stand towards you.
You failed to notice me.
You see, with you, I always become a child.
I smirked and crawled myself behind a car into a hiding.
I was five minutes away. I told you, didn’t I? Look closely, I’m close to you. Always will be.
“Give me 5 more minutes, I am still at home, lying on the couch,” a reply that I thought would be harmless as your name flashed on my phone screen.
I picked up the call. I repeat the same words, a little continuation of our hide-and-seek game. Sorry, my game.
Little did I know you’ll be annoyed with the act, 5 years later.
You see, I become a kid when I’m around you.
I couldn’t hold myself any longer and wanted to hug you for an eternity.
I chased after you, hoping to catch you off-guard.
Today, you weren’t surprised. Unusual.
A mental note was taken, it was about time that I started improvising my surprises.
You see, I become a kid when I’m around you.
We hugged for a brief moment. In our defense, it was normal cause soon enough we would have to abscond the streets for the crime of public display of affection. It was normal, or so I thought.
You hand me the Munch bar.
I knew it! my lips curled into a sheepish smile.
The evening sky fazed into a starry night, enveloping us with a sheen that was amiss.
“Can we talk about something?”, you asked.
“Boo, we have the entire evening to talk about under the starry night”, I joked, knowing that my curfew was still a long way off.
I could see you gulp, I was certain they were words that wanted an escape.
“Say”, I continued with an elbow nudge.
“It isn’t working”, you were serious.
In your seriousness, I added, “You are changing office?”
“What? No!” you exclaimed in bewilderment as if I asked for your two kidneys. Only that I did not. Could’ve, but didn’t.
“There’s someone”, came the reply.
I only hoped it wasn’t what I was thinking. Who would’ve thought about it, five years later?
But it was.
When Kafka wrote, “All language is but a poor translation”
I now understand why we are at a loss of words in the most intense moments of our lives.
“Is she from your office?” I asked.
You agreed with a nod.
You took her name.
This time, I only hoped that the words didn’t slit open my heart, literally.
“The girl you thought had a crush on me”, your eyes gleamed with every word you spoke.
“The girl I teased you with?”, I asked.
You nod in approval.
I stood there numb, staring at your radiant eyes that sucked the light from my soul. It was the light that made it transparent and allowed you to see through it.
I only hoped that my now dark soul wouldn’t show the agony it was in.
I could’ve asked back for the light that now lighted you. Only that I did not. Could’ve, but didn’t.
And then there was an apology, leaving your lips lighter but settling heavily in me. Freeing you of that thing that weighed me down with everything.
“Sorry”
I had to leave. I turned to trace my path back home, tearing open the Munch bar, ready to be relished.
We could’ve definitely shared.
Only that I did not. Could’ve, but didn’t.
You see, with you, I wasn’t a kid no more.
©Sonika Prasad, ’23.
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