My dream is to become a prolific author, public speaker, and Gentleness Ambassador. Even though this new vision only started to take root in mid-2020 when I was almost 40, it just feels like an old dream that resurfaced with new clarity.
But after spending the first three months obsessing about writing and publishing, I felt overwhelmed and lost. I was puffing and chugging along with no destination in sight. It was time for me to put on the brakes and slow down to figure out how to fulfill my dream more sustainably.
The first thing I did to spend my newly freed up time was to read more. This time, I stopped reading for personal development. Instead, I read to escape the daily drudgery of taking care of my two young rambunctious boys who had their school break for the entire month of December with nowhere else to go and to simply read for fun.
I read to nourish my inner child.
Here are some of the beautiful insights and experiences I had through immersing myself in reading.
Be a Conscious Creator in Your Life
Janice Melmed is a wonderful, warm-hearted author and healer from South Africa, whom I got to know through an online course we took together. She published her fascinating memoir in September 2020, and her book title: Weird Shit: Sometimes, to solve life’s greatest existential conundrums, one might need to engage in some really…, both tickled and intrigued me! I cried and laughed throughout her book and was fascinated by her experiences as a healer.
In particular, this passage about the Universe being the energy source, the client being the lamp, and the facilitator helping to connect the two together touched me deeply.
“The Universe at large is the energy source, the client is a lamp (seeking some form of light, be it to shine a light on a problem perhaps, or to lighten a burden they are carrying, or to lighten their spirits), the facilitator is nothing more than the plug that connects the two.
She has no part to play beyond connection and possibly translation. Whether the lamp/client chooses to emit light, absorb light, allow light in is entirely up to them. Sometimes people can be so far removed from the reality of who they are, resulting from many wrong turns or missteps along their life path, that it is difficult for them to light up.
It’s taken me many years. Surviving my life had somehow smashed all the lights in my existence and I had stumbled in the dark for most of it. Through this work though, I was beginning to see light again. Perhaps one day I would have the courage to let it shine brightly.”
Bursting with curiosity, I booked a half-hour online session with her. It was such beautiful healing filled with so many intuitive messages that felt right. What lingered most in my mind was her image of a row of empty flower pots along my spine. Janice said that my spiritual connection is strong, but I haven’t wanted enough to live a fulfilled human life.
I better start planning what I want and start planting those seeds!
Believe in the Power of Storytelling
The truth is, I haven’t explored enough to know what I might want in life. So I continued to read more for more inspiration.
The Guardians Series by William Joyce
I love the exciting background stories about how the six Guardians and villain — Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Sandman, Jack Frost, Mother Goose, and the infamous Bogeyman, became who they are. It is so heartwarming to me that William Joyce, the author, created this epic tale by re-inventing all our favorite magical childhood figures to show how our flaws and pain can be transmuted to bring in more hope, wonder, and strength.
When I first read The Guardians Series many years ago, its final book was yet to be completed. Last month, I finally bought and finished reading its final book — Jack Frost: The End Becomes the Beginning.
Reading this book felt like some sort of apprenticeship. It felt like William Joyce was imparting to me this sacred power of creating and sharing stories through this book. My headspace expanded so much more to contain many more wondrous possibilities. It felt safe and even vital for me to recreate my life and to inspire others in my role as a storyteller. I cried happy tears as I read this potent excerpt:
In every town, village, city, and hamlet, they posed as teachers, professors, and scholars, but most often librarians, devoting their lives to inspiring people, especially children, to not only read, but also to write. In time the notion of growing up and being a writer began to take hold as a genuine possibility for thousands of imaginative people. And this was the beginning of one of the most powerful and important forces of the Guardians: an actual protective field that encircled the entire Earth.
The Man in the Moon called it the Mythosphere, and from it coursed an invisible layer of enchantment that could inspire any man, woman, or child who needed or desired to tell a story. ~ Jack Frost: The End Becomes the Beginning by William Joyce
The Mythosphere! Such brilliant storytelling! My inner child jumped for joy reading this powerful anchor. Somehow, I believe I will always see and remember this Mythosphere whenever I look up at the skies. I will always remember William Joyce’s childlike humor, adventure, hope, and power through his words. I wish I could meet him in person and give him a long grateful embrace.
The Giver Quartet by Lois Lowry
Another book series that I wanted to finish reading was Lois Lowry’s The Giver Quartet. Lois Lowry originally intended to write and publish just the first book. It received the 1994 Newbery Medal winner and has inspired so many young adults that she continued to build more on it over the years till it became a series with a satisfying ending. Book 4 was published 19 years after the first book was published!
Together, these books described various dystopian communities living under very different circumstances, and they were all governed using greed and manipulation. Babies and kids suffered the most. The heroes emerged as children blessed with various gifts to channel healing, beauty, prediction, empathy, and seeing beyond.
It was such a beautiful journey for me to witness how these children became brave enough to say No to adults in power and collaborate to create their desired futures. It felt like the Universe gifted me with a sorely-needed boost of courage to recreate my future and to seek support from fellow like-minded friends and mentors.
Take Tiny Steps To Embody Your Dreams
At this point, I had another problem: how do I bridge the gap between what I dream of wanting and my current life?
I tried taking massive action. I tried scheduling. The new changes didn’t seem to stick well. I felt stuck.
The concept of Tiny Habits seemed wonderful and congruent with my love for Gentleness. So I hopped onto the free program and fell in love with it.
I love what BJ Fogg wrote in his book:
“there is a painful gap between what people want and what they actually do…
In order to design successful habits and change your behaviors, you should do three things.
- Stop judging yourself.
- Take your aspirations and break them down into tiny behaviors.
- Embrace mistakes as discoveries and use them to move forward.”
The following excerpt is like an extra hug the Universe gave to me:
“You identify what vegetables and flowers you’d love to have in your garden (motivation), you choose plants you can easily support (ability), and you consider which spot in the yard is the best for each plant (finding a place in your routine).
It takes a bit of planning and care, in the beginning, to get those delicate little sprouts up and out of the ground, but you’ve made sure the roots are strong by celebrating your tiny successes. Soon it’s time to let your rooted habits do their natural thing — grow bigger. “
His metaphor about planting a garden answered the question I had on planting new flowers in my empty pots — the image that Janice gave me! That was my big neon sign from the Universe!
I continued to play with the concept of Tiny Habits, and somehow this led me to create 3 new tiny habits to further integrate my word for 2021 — Light:
- My morning Tiny Habit, to wish my loved ones and myself well, helps me shine my light as a healer.
- My caregiver Tiny Habit, to thank myself after every time I help my mom, who was recently injured, keeps me feeling more light-hearted and supported.
- My bedtime stretching Tiny Habit helps me to feel lighter in my body.
My life feels so much more like a playground that I feel safe exploring and playing now!
It’s so amazing that just reading these books helped loosen up my stuck reality, provided the answers I didn’t know I needed and brought so many wondrous synchronicities to my life. Looking back, it was incredible witnessing how I could easily bridge the gap between the magic I want and my everyday life that felt mundane.
I hope that reading my story here will inspire you to:
- Become a more conscious creator in your life.
- Believe more in the power of storytelling.
- Take tiny steps each day to embody your dreams.
- Read more whenever you’re feeling stuck and in doubt.
I wish you happiness and deep fulfillment in your life.