my last lecture*
* not to worry. I hope this will be the start of an ongoing conversation about life; no note of finality is intended
Prologue
It’s 6:44 PM on May 18, 2014. I read a post not long ago commenting on Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture. That post served as a reminder to me of something I had long meant to do but had not done. Watch the Last Lecture. And I just did that. (As an aside, watching the Last Lecture is one of many things which are on that list. Too many things. More on that later.)
I never had the pleasure of meeting Randy. I have never even been on the Carnegie Mellon campus (I’ve merely driven by it). I also don’t know that my end is near, as he apparently did when he gave that lecture. But since I don’t know, and few of us ever do know, when our last day on this Earth will be, that seems more than reason enough to thank people who have been a part of my life, and to reflect on things I’ve learned up until this point. I hope to have an opportunity to continue to add to this page over time. But you never know. So I’m writing as much as I can, as fast as I can, right now.
Thank You’s
It seems to me a sure sign that I have been incredibly fortunate that I can say, without the slightest hesitation, that if today were my last day on this Earth, that would be okay. I don’t say that because I want it to be my last day. Nor do I say it because I have nothing more I wish to help someone with, or contemplate, or learn, or be. I say it because that is how I truly feel.
My Parents
Mom and Dad, you have given me so much more than the gift of life itself. From what I know of your respective family histories, what you have accomplished as parents is truly amazing. To the extent that I have been a positive role model as a parent myself, there is no question that a great deal of that credit goes to you. I have been able to show love to my wife, to my children, to my brother, and to other family members and friends, because you have given me so much love. What greater gift is there than that?
Dad, thank you for: 1) showing me what it means to be a loving husband; 2) your incredible patience; 3) sharing with me your great love of and appreciation for all living things; 4) demonstrating that winning is the least important thing when it comes to participating in sports; 5) imparting to me your appreciation for and love of baseball (and being understanding even though I have never become a Tigers fan; ); 6) being such a good listener; 7) being such a great Dad!
Mom, thank you for: 1) creating a safe, loving, nurturing environment that I looked forward to returning to each day as a child; 2) your great compassion (including the many times you cared for me when I was sick and patched my scrapes); 3) tolerating the LONG list of pets that we had over the years (to name the ones I can remember, dogs, cats, pigeons, turtles, rabbits, horned toads, a tarantula, snakes, chinchillas, and a pony); 4) introducing me (via your Dad) to rock hounding (not to mention all of the help you’ve given me with categorizing the remaining inventory!) 5) growing so many wonderful things in the garden and turning them into the delightful things we have enjoyed together at mealtime (especially rhubarb pie!); 6) being such a good sport about putting up with a houseful of males; 7) being such a great Mom!
Mom and Dad, thank you both for: 1) instilling in us your sense of wonder; 2) demonstrating the importance of helping others less fortunate than ourselves via volunteerism; 3) taking us on so many great road trips and camping trips.
And last but not least, Dad, we can all say with a laugh that whatever level of prowess I have achieved in the kitchen has nothing to do with you, so thank you for helping me in that area, Mom.
My Wife
How is it possible, my love, that divine providence, or fate, or whatever other force of nature may have intervened, and somehow cleared the way for you to enter my life? How many people ever get to meet their soul mate, let alone spend decades getting to know them, raising children with them, and going on adventures together? It’s not possible for me to spend enough time marveling at what a wonderful, nurturing, caring mother you have been to our children. And I most definitely don’t tell you often enough how much I love you, just for being you, and for being there for me, always.
Thank you for: 1) your amazing, never-ceasing, warm-as-a-security blanket caring, compassion, and love; 2) your understanding when I am not as communicative as you deserve; 3) your level of dedication, nurturing, playfulness, and empathy as a mother to our children; 4) your willingness to embark on the many adventures we have gone on together; 5) your unique ability to console me when I’m sad and pick me up when I’m down; 6) your willingness to spend time with me doing things hold greater appeal for me than they do for you, like going to baseball games, going whitewater rafting, and driving faster than you would like at times; 7) being the love of my life!
My Kids
I hope you can forgive that I’m not calling you out by name, individually. I do that for a reason—if I were to address you in any particular order, that could imply some level of favoritism, which is simply not the case. I love you all so very much. The four of you are very different people, and I would not want it any other way. I do not pretend to know where your lives will take you, whether you will live in some far-away place, or marry, or have children, or find a cure for cancer. Know that no matter what, your Mom and I love you.
Kids, thank you for: 1) rolling with the punches as we carted you halfway around the globe and back again; 2) indulging my interest in baseball/softball, including having a catch with me or being on a team at one time or another; 3) being so splendidly different from one another; 4) laughing (at least some of the time) at my often-bawdy sense of humor and frequently-dumb jokes; 5) listening to(if not always heeding; ) advice from your Mom and me; 6) not beating the crap out of each other (at least not very often; ) 7) being our kids!
My Brother
Not everyone is fortunate enough to have a sibling. And no one else but me can say they have you as a sibling. That is their loss! You are the only other person who shares the same childhood memories that I do. And there are oh so many of those.
Thank you for: 1) going on bike rides and playing pickup baseball with me; 2) inspiring in me a curiosity about and love for technology and gadgets (including learning how to solder circuit boards and code in assembler) 3) being there for Mom and Dad far more than I have been; 4) Spending countless hours throwing a ball up on the sloped roof of Grandpa’s barn so that we could run to catch it wherever it came down; 5) helping me with my math homework; 6) Showing me how cool it can be to be a geek; 7) being the best brother a person could possibly ask for!
Ten Years Later
Now it’s 2024. I just read this for the first time in a very long time. I feel incredibly fortunate, not only to be alive, but to feel just the same now as I did ten years ago.
I miss you, Dad. We rarely say all the things that we wish that we had to those that we love, when they were alive. And that is certainly true for me. Whatever shades of kindness, gentleness, humility, spirituality, and curiosity are imbued in me as I am now, and whatever I might yet become, I owe much of it to you.
